Thursday, March 31, 2011

In like a Gillian, out like an Asher...

Goodbye lousy Smarch weather. Here's to April showers, May flowers, and then my dear and faithful readers...  CAMP!   Now I was just a really cute sack of potatoes last time I was there, but I know that it was special.  I had been doted on before camp, but I had herds of ladies ready to be lost in my eyes.  It was legend, wait for it.... still waiting?  No, I am not talking about the movie where Tim Curry plays that weird devil guy,   the final word is dairy!  Legandary.  That is what my last summer was at camp.  The big problem was that I was a really cute paper weight.  You put me down somewhere and there I stayed until someone came and picked me up.  This summer, I am mobile.  I am going to own camp.  I cannot wait.  It is going to be epic.

Think of me playing GaGa.  Running around Family Land.  Charging in line for snack.  Splashing in the shallows of the lake.  Mobile Me (not the Apple program, but me mobile)  is going to be a handful.  But I am really cute so that will make it easier for whomever gets the pleasure of maintaining me this summer.  I hear the job is in more demand than Charlie Sheen's Intern.  He might be full of tiger blood, but I am full of AWESOME BLOOD.  If you spend a day in my skin, you would melt due to my radioactive levels of cuteness.  I am just vamping. 

Tomorrow is a big day.  Make sure to read my post.  It will be one that rivals the works of Mark Twain and quite possibly Samuel Clemens.  See you in April faithful readers.

Monday, March 28, 2011

No Longer a Baby...

As my biggest fan Lee pointed out on my Mom's Facebook page, I am a toddler now, not a baby. And, boy, do I toddle. You can check it out here. There are so many more things that I can do now that I can walk. Sure, I could crawl before, but it's so much more liberating to be able to walk. It used to be that whenever we were downstairs, I would go straight for the stairs because I liked to crawl up them. Now I go to the bathroom where I can stand on the step stool and steal everything off the sink. I'm getting so good at walking, people might start calling me Dasher.

I'm starting to do other toddler-ish things too. Like using a spoon. I use it for things like smearing yogurt all over my body, throwing food at other people, making noise. There is very little eating that goes on when I get a spoon, but it is very entertaining. I have found it very useful for fending off Gillian.

I also enjoy dancing. Whenever my parents catch me doing something they don't want me to do, I just give them the look and start dancing. Then they can't be mad at me. I dance when I throw food all over the place. I dance when I dump boxes of toys. I dance when I draw all over the floor. I dance when I bite people. They may start to get angry, but as soon as I start shaking my groove thing, everyone starts smiling. I suggest you try it next time you're about to get in trouble. It's useful and fun!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Long Hiatus

Has it really been two weeks since I posted? The time sure has gotten away from me. I'm not living up to the title of my blog. Maybe it's time we changed the title. Here are some thoughts:

An Asher Every Other Day
An Asher Every Once in a While
An Asher Whenever I Feel Like It
An Asher When My Parents Aren't Too Tired to Type Up My Posts
Occasionally Asher
Asher Today, None Tomorrow
An Asher a Fortnight
Asher's Sesquicentennial Shenanigans
Asher in a Blue Moon

All joking aside, I will work harder on bringing you my posts more often. It's hard being a baby, and sometimes some things have to suffer. I've been busy perfecting my walking the last two weeks, so I'll post a video of that for you this week so you can see I haven't just been wasting my time away. Thanks for your continued loyalty.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Binky Theory

Pacifier, paci, nuk, the plug--call it what you want, but I call it my binky. And I love my binky. It might not always be in my mouth--because, let's face it, there are a lot of other cool things I can try to put in my mouth--but it is always nearby.  Now most babies are content with just sucking on their binkies, but I love mine even more than that. When I sleep, I need the binky trifecta--one in the mouth and one in each hand. Just try to get me to go to sleep with an empty hand. It's not pretty.

We have a theory about the binkies in our house. At any given time, I own about eight binkies. Sometimes they are all accounted for. Sometimes all are lost but the few that are in my crib. There seems to be a cycle as to how many binkies are accessible. Say we start with all eight on Monday. As the week goes on, some will disappear--under the couch, under my crib, in the car, etc. Over the course of that week to 10 days, we will get down to just two or three. There have been times when we have gotten down to one binky, and those are very sad days. We will look all over for them, even in the most obvious places, but we won't find them. Then, when all hope is lost and Mom is about to go buy more, a binky will turn up in a completely ridiculous and random place--such as, under Liana's mattress, in a pocket in a coat that hasn't been used in a while, on the bima at synagogue, in the utensil drawer. And as soon as you find one in a random place, all the others turn up in their usual locations, and I have my whole collection again! Then the cycle repeats. Hopefully writing this out does not break the magic of the cycle. I would be very sad if my binkies did not return from their hiding places.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Power of Advertising

It's amazing to me how easily by sisters can be swayed by what they see on TV. There's a new version of My Little Pony that airs on the Hub network, which my sisters watch when they go to Nana and Gaga's house. They always have about 10 episodes on the DVR, and it's always the first choice whenever we watch anything over there. During every episode, there is a commercial for the Total Pillow. This is what Gillian wants more than anything. If someone is fast-forwarding through the commercials, she makes them stop when it gets to the Total Pillow. "It can bend in any direction!" "I can use it in the car when we go to Chicago and when I'm playing on the computer!" "It comes with a hot and cold compress pack!" "Wait, there's more! You get two!" "There's a Total Pillow website!" These are things you can hear Gillian say when the commercial is on. She loves this pillow.

Today became the second best day of Gillian's life. We were in Best Buy--I'm hanging out in the carrier on Dad and next thing we know, there is a Total Pillow in the basket and Gillian is so excited she is speechless. It takes a lot to make Gillian silent. This was the first time she had seen the pillow in real life and she just couldn't believe it. Of course, Dad did not let her buy it today (they're saving it for her birthday, but don't tell her that), and she took it rather well considering how much she wants it. The best day of her life will be July 15 when she actually gets that pillow--can't wait.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Where's the Poop?

My parents should know better by now. They've known me for almost 13 months and my patterns are pretty predictable. Knowing my routines is part of their job. Yes, they know the routine that I generally only poop every other day. They take pride in that and the lack of gross diapers they have to deal with. But, the part they haven't figured out is that if I don't have a diaper on for an extended amount of time, I'm going to take advantage of that and poop on the floor.

It's already happened two times this week, plus many other times before. Both times I had already had my every other day poop earlier in the day so they thought they were safe and gave me extended naked time. Why did they think that? (Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy naked time, and I enjoy pooping on the floor--it's much more comfortable than doing it in a diaper and then having to sit in it until they change me.)

Last night was especially hilarious. They were getting the girls ready for bed and I was naked during stories (I always get to stay up later than the girls because if they're awake I won't go to sleep). Mom and Dad started to notice that the room smelled funny. They just thought it was Gillian--she may be little, but she is potent. Then everyone got up on Liana's bed and Dad noticed the turd on the floor. The girls freaked out, but Dad calmly cleaned it up and then continued storytime. During the next story, the room still smelled, so Mom and Dad started hunting through the room for any stray turds. Now, this is no easy feat. There is very little open floor in the girls' room. Between me pulling all the books off the shelf every night and the girls lining up their armies of ponies and stuffed animals through the room, there were a lot of places where a turd could be hiding. After several minutes of searching, they didn't find anything and figured it had just been an especially powerful turd.

Fast forward to this morning. Mom had just come out of the shower and found me dancing around in the crib. She picked me up and then followed Gillian into her room to help her get a dress out of the closet. Gillian pointed to the skirt she wanted and then Mom stepped forward to get it...and stepped right into my leftover turd from last night. Once she had stepped on it, it was fairly obvious, and I don't know how they missed it. Anyway, there was some screaming after that, first by Gillian and then Liana, and then I got a fun ride as Mom tried to hop back to the bathroom to get her foot cleaned off without getting any poop on the carpet.

I don't think anyone was very happy with me at that point, but I did have one thing going for me. Because I had thrown all the books on the floor last night and Mom had missed some of them when putting them back on the shelf, my lone turd got squished into a book instead of the carpet. Sorry, Little Quack's Hide and Seek.

Apparently, I have stealth ninja dookies.  My butt rocks.

"Insert your own caption in the comments"

Things My Sisters Say

My sisters must be comedians because my mom and dad are always repeating things they say. Apparently when I can talk, I will become a comedian as well. Here are some of the girls' recent gems:

Liana: Wow, I have a lot of scratches on my feet. I'm just falling apart.
Gillian: God needs to make a new Liana.

Liana: When Asher becomes a big baby, can we have a new little baby?

Gillian: Mom, when are you going to fix my Pooh stroller?
Mom: I don't think I can fix it. It's pretty broken.
Gillian: Well, God is the best fixer.

Daddy told a story about when he was taking a walk with Gillian when she was a baby and a squirrel fell out of a tree and landed on the ground in front of them.
Liana: I don't understand. Squirrels are excellent climbers.

Gillian: Why do we have bodies?
Mom: Well, what would you be if you didn't have a body?
Gillian: A penguin.

We were in the car on the way to Chicago and trying to make it the last two hours without any more stops when Gillian said she needed to go to the bathroom.
Liana: Mom, I wish we had a bush in the car.
Mom: Why do we need a bush in the car?
Liana: Then Gillian could poop on the bush and we wouldn't have to stop.