Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Leap Day Lunacy

I've come up with a new plan for whenever I don't want to go somewhere. I hide under my train table. You wouldn't think this would be very effective, but you have to consider the placement of the train table. It is in the back corner of the play room, which is a perfect location for me because my tiny feet can easily navigate the vast field of ponies, Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops that litter the floor, and my parents cannot. They are too afraid of stepping on and breaking any of the thousands of forgotten toys that would suddenly become my sisters' favorite toy and a huge tragedy if broken, and therefore have to forge a new path to the train table each time they try to extract me.

Today my mom didn't feel like entering the abyss, so she tried a new tactic. She said, "Let's take Gillian to school and then we'll go see some big trains and take a train ride." Of course, I was intrigued, so I came right out.

Our local Museum of Transportation recently built a new visitors' center and Creation Station (a place for preschoolers to play with transportation-themed toys). Everything is set to open to the public next week, but they had a special preview for members this week, so Mom thought I would enjoy it (we've been to the museum many times, but that was before I was obsessed with trains and I was usually relegated to the baby carrier). Turns out, during the preview, only the Creation Station and visitors' center are open. No train rides, no running around on the big trains in the yard. Boo. Granted, Mom didn't know she was deceiving me at the time, but still.

The Creation Station did end up being pretty awesome. I mean, it's a room full of cars, trains, planes, basically everything I love. They had five train tables, buckets and buckets full of track, and more Thomas and Friends trains (plus the inferior Chuggington) than I could ever imagine. The only thing I love as much as vrooming trains along a track is seeing how many I can carry at the same time. I easily carried at least 10 today and probably could have squeezed in a few more if I hadn't been so excited. I also now have a new-found love for Cranky the Crane.

So, the day might have started out as a disappointment, but it turned out to be cool. After the Creation Station we went to the big park where we played on the playground for a little bit and then spent over an hour walking around the lake and looking at ducks. Yes, it was 65 degrees today in February. Doesn't get much better than that.

Happy Leap Day!
These photos are actually from the Science Center, but you get the idea.

Monday, February 27, 2012

I Love Being Two! (Part 1)

I've always been a pretty easy-going guy. I never cried much when I was younger. I'm usually happy. I just kind of go with the flow. But now I'm two, and if everyone says two is terrible, I'm going to take the opportunity to live up to that. I've already been practicing by being Mr. Surly. But I'm just getting started. So, this will be a recurring series as I recount my conquests of being two.

Background: I love brushing my teeth. I will take any chance I get to sneak away to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I enjoy using everyone's toothbrush, and since we have about four different kinds of toothpaste, I also have to use each toothpaste. I also love putting things in the toilet.

A couple days ago I was tired of using the same old toothpaste. I took my toothbrush, brushed a little with Liana's toothpaste, and then dipped my toothbrush in the toilet. Then I continued brushing my teeth. Then Mom screamed, stole my toothbrush and threw it in the trash. I flushed the toilet and reached in again in protest. Then I threw myself on the floor and did my own screaming.

I love being two!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Rules of the Road

Sure, I've still got 14 years or so until I start learning how to drive, but I drive around so much with my Mom that I have started to pick up some of the rules by watching the other drivers around us. Here is what I have learned:

1. Stop signs are misleading because they do not actually mean "stop." In most cases, they mean "slow down," while in some instances (especially in my neighborhood and in parking lots) they mean "just keep going."

2. If a light is red, you can still make a right turn without worrying about stopping first. This is especially true at intersections with signs that say "No right on red." This sign is confusing to me because I thought it meant you could not make a right turn. Maybe they forgot the comma on the sign, and it is actually supposed to mean, "No, don't stop. Turn right on red." I also recently learned that you can make a left turn on red too.

3. Speed limits are just suggestions, but you are actually supposed to drive much faster. If someone is driving the speed limit, even a few miles over, they are going too slow. In this case, you should drive as close to them as possible because that will make them go faster.

4. Yellow lights mean go faster.

5. These are acceptable things to do while driving: texting, eating a bowl of cereal, reading the newspaper, putting on makeup. I have witnessed all these things.

6. Pedestrians do not have right of way, even if they are in a crosswalk and have the walk light. People in cars are in more of a hurry and have more important places to be.

7. If you are driving in a parking lot and see someone backing out of a space, keep going and honk at them. They should have been able to see you coming behind the huge SUV that was parked next to them and waited until you passed.

8. Finally, this is an acceptable way to park:
The bushes on the left side of the picture are where the curb is. On the right side of the picture you can see where there are more real parking spots. Where my dad is standing and taking the picture there is also a row of parking spots. This car is parked in the main thoroughfare between the two sections of the parking lot. Keep in mind, there were open spaces about 20 feet away. This car was there for at least three hours.

So, the take away from these rules is basically it's every person for him/herself out there. When people get behind the wheel of a car, they become stupid and filled with rage, arrogance, and an inflated sense of importance. Good luck out there.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Birthday Recap/Happy Bris Day!

Some of you have been wanting to hear more about my birthday, so now you're going to get it. I know many of you are celebrating Valentine's Day today, so I wish a happy Valentine's Day to you all. Unfortunately I will never be able to celebrate Valentine's Day the way most of you do because it is a different kind of anniversary for me. It was a day I lost part of myself, a day of unspeakable pain, a day when I was eight days old and my parents threw a party so a bunch of strangers could watch part of my penis get cut off. Yes, that was my first Valentine's Day.

Anyway...back to my birthday, also known as Super Asher Day (we celebrated my birthday on the 5th during the Super Bowl instead of the 6th, since it was a Sunday and everyone was available). The theme for the food was Ashertizers, involving many different chips and dips (and you know how I love dipping) and chicken wings, which are awesome.  The rest of the party was planned by Gillian. It involved a pinata (or, as Gillian calls it, a pee-yan-ta), Thomas the Train hats, car glow sticks, whistles, and Pez. Basically, my Nana let Gillian loose at Party City. It was pretty cool. How can it not be an awesome time when you get to whack a paper Lightning McQueen with a stick until candy falls out?

Now on to my gifts. My first gift was from Aunt Rin. It was a Thomas. I did not pay attention to the rest of my gifts that evening. The next day, I looked at the rest of my haul. Mom gave me a Nyan Cat scarf and mittens that she made (I love that Nyan Cat). I like them and I sing the song when I see them, but I'm still afraid to wear the mittens, even though I love mittens. I also got Muppets pajamas from Aunt Lou. I'll be styling in them if I ever grow into 2t clothes (I still wear 18 months--I'm a wee one--Liana was already in 3t at this age). Then I got two boxes in the mail from Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa. I never get mail, so you can imagine how excited I was. I opened the smaller box first, which contained four little cars, and I was so happy and went off on my merry way. Then Mom started opening the big box but I didn't want to pay attention because I was too busy with my cars. I finally glanced back and saw the most awesome thing ever--Zig the Big Rig--a truck that can hold all my little cars! I love cars!

So, it was a pretty awesome birthday.

Here are the mittens and scarf Mom made me:

My cake (made out of mini cupcakes):

 And more party pictures:
Which is better? Box of matches or cupcake?

Pinatas are more fun without pants.

Liana's big sister present: "Oh, I thought you said 'I am a moose!'"


Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword

Last night Liana got mad at Gillian, so because she's Liana, this is what she did:

Then Gillian got sad and Mom and Dad got mad at Liana (while trying to contain their laughter), so Liana did this:

Then they had a hug fight and liked each other again.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Two to you too!

IT finally happened.  Two years in the making.  I woke up this morning and felt different.  No longer was I a baby, I feel like I am now a man.  I am at the age of majority.  I can vote, buy cigs, gamble, hand out in a bar.  I am finally TWO!  Yes, I know that not been around, but I will be back tomorrow with my experiences the last couple of days with driving in a new section that I call Asher's Road Rules, or ARR!  Also, there are pictures from my brithday to post.  Finally, now that I am two, I will let you all know the crazy things that I do now that I am two.  So, after a long day of partying, I wanted to say, "Happy Birthday to me!"

This is a two year old Asher signing off.  I am sleepy.

In Russia, Candle covers you!

I do not need help Gillian.  Blow out your own #2 candle.

YAY! Mini Cupcakes for a BIG BOY!

P.S.  Now that I am not a baby, call me Ash.