Things You Never Thought You'd Hear in Synagogue, Part 1

"No Torah fights!"

That was my mom and dad tonight, trying to keep my sisters from beating each other with stuffed Torahs at the Simchat Torah celebration. There might even have been Yad jousting, but I was in and out of a tooth induced coma.  When awake, I enjoyed chewing on my stuffed Torah. I named it Torahy.  It was actually quite refreshing to feel the soft fabric on my sore gums. I liked my friend so much that I brought Torahy home with me.

It's been a rough couple days in the country of Asher-land known as Asherbaijan. I barely slept last night from the pain (though I did enjoy staying up to watch "Survivor" and "Modern Family" with Mom and Dad).  I was leaking all over my face and boy was I hot.  I do this thing that I think is really funny.  I fall asleep in my Mom or Dad's arms and pass out hard.  You can lift and drop my arm and it does not phase me.  This game becomes funny when my Mom or Dad try to lower me into my crib.  Once I start my decent, I start to cry.  I am still asleep mind you.  This skill has taken a lot of practice, but it works really nicely.  So long story short, I got to sleep next to my Mom and snack whenever I want.  Once this tooth comes in, I am going to gnaw something. 

On a different note, my parents got a Digital SLR camera.  It is a Canon T2i.  The pictures are really good.  I hope they will put some up in the next couple days of me. 

My Teeth Hurt

Getting teeth sucks. That's all I have to say.

They better get me some steak when I'm done with this.

Here are some cute pictures of me.

It's solved. Now just let me chew on it.

Yarrgh, I've got pirate booty in me diaper.

I have product in my hair. It's plumcot! (a plum-apricot hybrid-very delicious)

Homemade Baby Legs (and other crafty mom things)

Well, you get me tonight (Ann Lesley). Asher is taking the night off because he has some teeth coming in and is feeling cranky. I'm feeling cranky too, after dealing with him being cranky all last night and today, but I know how to handle it a little better than he does. I'm here tonight to tell you about my fairly new adventure into craftiness. I have never been a crafty person, but earlier this year I wanted to try making a mei tai baby carrier for Asher. I had been wanting a mei tai for a long time (even back to when Liana was a baby), but could never justify spending over $100 for one when I already had several decent carriers. So, I found a pattern and decided to go for it. It wasn't that hard to make--I ended up making a girly one for me and a manly one for Scott--and they turned out pretty awesome. I don't know why I waited so long because it's definitely the best carrier I've ever used.

I have also experimented with some clothes, for the kids and for their toys--here are the girls in some nightgowns and Asher in a Snuggie.

Today I worked on Baby Legs, which are basically baby leg warmers. I had heard about these for a while and never quite understood the point of them. But then I found this tutorial and decided to give it a try. They were so easy and they turned out really cute. Plus, I made them out of women's socks that I had gotten on clearance at Target for $1, so they were super cheap--and just as cute and the $10 brand name ones. Asher seems to like them too!

So, that's me being crafty. Enjoy! Hopefully Asher will be back tomorrow!

Sleepless Nights

Sleeping on Addie at The Lumberjack Show. 
I know there is a joke here I am missing.
Leave a comment with a better caption.
There might be a prize for the best one...

Sorry for my absence this past week. It has been busy around here with all the holidays and Dad's IEPs and just general busy-ness. There also has not been a lot of sleeping going on around our house, which makes the busy days all that much harder. On any given night, I can be found sleeping in a variety of places--my crib, Mom and Dad's bed, and Gillian's bed. Mom and Dad's bed is my favorite because I get to snuggle with Mom and Dad, except for when Gillian and Liana are already there. If Gillian and Liana are already in Mom and Dad's bed, then I don't want to join that mattress of terror. I don't know if I would make it out alive--with all the kicking, sleep-talking, and blanket-stealing that goes on between the two of them. That's when I go to Gillian's bed with mom, and that's pretty nice too. Gillian's bed still has railings so I don't have to worry about falling out, and it is nice to get mom to myself sometimes. Mom and Dad know these are my sleeping preferences, so I don't know why they always insist on starting my nights in my crib.

Is there something behind me? 
OH NO!  It is The Frog!

The crib is where my nemesis, The Frog, lives. I do not know if he was Black Ops, MI6, French special forces (I know that sounds funny, but they must have one), or even from some North Korean secret policeman, but somehow he lives in my crib now.  The Frog is an ever-smiling monstrosity with a stomach that glows orange as it repeatedly sings "Twinkle Twinkle" and a plethora of other lullabies. The glowing has to be the source of its power, like Iron Man-- or some kind of mind control device. I've tried to resist it, but its powers are too strong and it makes me fall asleep. Luckily, when I wake up two hours later it has usually fallen asleep too. Mom and Dad seem to be able to control it, but I usually let them know I don't want to have anything to do with it during the night, which is how I get my way and get into their bed. They poke him in the chest which seems to wake The Frog from his slumber and then they give him a secret handshake which must give him his orders.  He is an ever vigilant adversary which I will one day  destroy. 

By the way, I am getting tired.  Tonight I will be ready.  Maybe tomorrow morning I will try a new food....   FROG LEGS!  HA HA HA HA HA (I am so tired)

THE NAME GAME

Here are the official rules and history for the Name Game from wikipedia.com:

"The Name Game," or "The Banana Song", is a children's sing-along rhyming game that creates variations on a person's name. It was written by singer Shirley Ellis with Lincoln Chase, and Ellis' recording, produced by Charles Calello, was released in late 1964 as "The Name Game." That record went to number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100, and number 4 on the magazine's R&B charts in 1965. Ellis performed "The Name Game" on major television programs of the day, including Hullabaloo, American Bandstand, and Merv Griffin.  Ellis told Melody Maker magazine that the song was based on a game she played as a child.

Using the name Micah as an example, the song follows this pattern:

Micah, Micah, bo-bicah,

Banana-fana fo-ficah

Fee-fi-mo-icah

Micah!

A verse can be created for any name, with X as the name and X−1 as the name without the first consonant sound (if it begins with a consonant), as follows:

(X), (X), bo-b(X−1)

Banana-fana fo-f(X−1)

Fee-fi-mo-m(X−1)

X!

If the name starts with a vowel or vowel sound, the "b" "f" or "m" is inserted in front of the name. And if the name starts with a b, f, or m, that sound simply is not repeated. (For example: Billy becomes "Billy Billy bo-illy"; Fred becomes "banana fana fo-red"; Marsha becomes "fee fi mo-arsha".)

This is not the name game that I am referring to. Thank you Wikipedia for such a detailed description though. The name game that I am referring to is the one where I try to make sense of all the names that my family, friends, and colleagues call me. Here is a list.

• Asher
• Ash
• 
  
  Ashy
• Ash Man
• Ashybub
• The Lad
• The Boy
• Little Dude
• Bub
• Bubba
• Ashygog
• The Lord Azerael, Prince of Darkness, King of the Night, Slayer of the Weak (Just kidding)
• Asherbaijan
• Little Man
• Solo
• Asher Solomon Frederic(k) [only when I am getting in trouble]
• Asher Yonah Zalman
• GRRRRAAAAAHHHHH (what Gillian calls me when she charges me)

That is all I can think of, there are probably more. This whole name thing is confusing. I think I am going to sip some Earl Gray, read the Journal, suck on my binky and then nap for an hour until I wake wanting Dinner. I love room service. I hope this never ends. It is, as they say, the good life.

Edit: Aparently I forgot another name.  Meatloaf.  Sorry Gila.  It won't happen again. And I guess I am also known as Pickleman.  I wish I had a cape. 

Things that go bump in the night.

Liana here. I wanted to inform everyone that we live in a haunted house. My sister, Gillian, is a believer, but Asher has not yet been sold. Let us take a tour of the paranormal activity that is happening here in our pleasant home. This is all true, mind you.

First, there is a talking doorknob in my room. It keeps us awake unless we put a sock on it. Apparently, the best sock to shut up the knob is a hand knit sock that our Aunt Wedgie made. It is a problem if that sock is not on the knob. I guess the talking knob has been with us about a year now, or when me and my sister started sharing a room. It only talks at night and only when we are trying to go to sleep.

Next, when I had my own room, there was a hairball that was somersaulting across the room. It would go in and out of my laundry hamper. It really bothered me, so I slept with a hairbrush to scare it away. I thought it had gone away, but it makes an appearance every once in a while.

Is it a coincidence that these things happen when I'm trying to go to sleep? I think so. Sometimes I think they might have been dreams, but I don't really believe that either.

P.S. Asher now loves plums. He will scream if you try to take his away.

I Feel the Love

I know my fans love me. The fanmail pours in, delivered to my crib mailbox. I thought this love extended to my immediate circle--my entourage, if you will. One of the inner circle, my sister Gillian, seems not to understand my role in the family. After a long day of shopping and schlepping, me nestled comfortably in my carseat, my sisters beating on each other in their carseats, I hear this question posed:

"When we lose this baby, can we get a girl baby?"

Take a look at that. "When we lose THIS baby." What am I? Don't they realize I am here to stay? Should I be scared to sleep tonight? She loses toys all the time. Did these toys no longer serve her purpose? Were they conveniently "lost?" Lee, if you know of a good bodyguard who protects diminutive gentlemen such as myself, shoot me their digits. I don't want to end up like a My Little Pony, Barbie, or Care Bear--those that have been left behind.

You can't tell, but I'm terrified.

Stupid People

Now, I'm only seven months old, but I know that you're supposed to look both ways before you cross the street. Apparently, many adults have forgotten this--especially in parking lots, where it seems like you should be even more diligent about watching for cars, but that's a whole other story. So, here's my story for today:

Mom and I dropped the girls off at school and then we went grocery shopping. Normally we walk to the grocery store when the girls are at school, but we had tons of stuff to get today (think, no food in the house), so we were driving. The road we take is a small neighborhood road, 30 mph, lots of stop signs. It has a sidewalk on the east side of the street that switches to the west side of the street about halfway down. There is a crosswalk, but there is no stop sign for the cars, so when Mom and I are walking, we stop, look for cars, and then cross when it is safe. Today we were driving, and there was someone running on the sidewalk on the right side of the road. (Now, I didn't actually see this because I was rear-facing in my carseat--as everyone should be until they're AT LEAST one year old AND 20 pounds, but preferably even longer as long as you're within the weight requirements of your carseat--this is just how Mom told me the story.) His back was to us, and he was wearing headphones, so I guess he couldn't hear or see us. When he got to the spot where the sidewalk crosses the street, he didn't slow down, didn't turn his head, just hopped off the sidewalk and crossed the street...just a few feet in front of our car. Luckily, my mom has super Mom-reflexes (really, it's uncanny how fast she can be, especially when it has to do with things I want to put in my mouth) and was able to stop before turning him into a pancake, but it was close. Even as we drove past him, he didn't make any acknowledgment that his stupidity had almost gotten him flattened. Pay attention, people! The world does not revolve around you! It actually revolves around me.

An unrelated stupid person story: Last week were were at Baskin-Robbins picking up the ice cream cakes for Rosh Hashanah services and while we were there, some dude came in and bought an ice cream cone and stayed inside to eat in. We went outside and his car was parked next to ours. The car was still running, with the windows open, blasting some kind of show tunes. While he was inside eating ice cream. Really, you couldn't turn your car off while you went inside? So much for taking care of our environment.

I'm glad I've had these experiences early in my life so I can learn how not to be stupid when I grow up!

That's me in front of my house. Dad was trying to be artistic or something with the camera.

"I'M A BANANA!" (4 Addie)

A: Articulate
D: Diplomatic
D: Distinguished
I:  Intrepid
E:  Eloquent

These are all words that start with the letters that spell Addie.  My mom tells me that this is called an acrostic.  Meow, these are not necessarily the words I would use to describe Addie.  I just like to use my swelled seven month old vocabulary.  Addie can be described using these words:  Awesome, patient, passionate, fun, tolerant, and festive, but as she would say: awes, pats, passi, FU, toler, and fest. 

I miss my nights crying for your company at camp.  Many people might assume that I was crying because my growing belly needed to be lactated, but I was crying because I wanted to be cradled in your arms.  You took such good care of me this summer.  How many good times did we have?  Well, we will always have the lake and the Sims.  I hope that next summer you can chase me around the large grassy fields at camp while my big sister hangs out with her friends and my little tormentor runs around in a dress searching for momma monkey to carry her.  If you were a precious metal, you would be adamentium, if you were a fruit, you would be a kiwi, and if you were a land mass, you would be a peninsula.  I can't wait for you to come back in town so that we can watch videos.  I hope you do not get hit too hard at college, you are going to Knox.  HA!  I am a lyrical poet.  I use words like Vlad uses eggs--majestically.  Good luck with the Garden Beans.  And in conclusion, I am going to need my flannel back. It is my favorite.

Happy Birthday Daddy! (plus some other random things)

On Friday my dad turned the big 3-0, or as my mom likes to say, he had his second 29th birthday. (She's a dork, I know. We've got a lot of dorkiness to overcome in this family.) We spent the day as most people would want to celebrate their 30th birthday--at synagogue. First there were Rosh Hashanah children's services to lead--Dad led the big kids and Mom led the little kids. I actually got to participate in the services on the second day of Rosh Hashanah, instead of just being abandoned in the babysitting room. I kept everyone entertained by eating the stuffed Torahs in my stroller. There's no better way to ring in the new year than to eat a stuffed Torah. Then, after services, there was a luncheon, which my family catered (they do all the catering at our synagogue, led by my Nana). I actually slept through the luncheon as my silent protest against their use of unpaid child labor. Apparently they make my sisters fill water pitchers, put bentschers out on the tables, and frost cupcakes--and they don't get paid for any of this work! I'm not going to have anything to do with this.

The rest of the day was uneventful, though I know Dad enjoyed getting to spend his whole birthday with his family instead of having to go to work. Until it was cake time... My sisters spent hours slaving over the hot oven to make a wonderful-looking cake for Dad. I say "wonderful-looking" because...and this is the tragedy of the day...no one let me try it! They used a whole jar of frosting, two whole jars of sprinkles, and mini Reese's cups to decorate the cake, and all I got to do was look at it and drool! I do drool all the time, so that was nothing new and different, but it looked like the best cake ever. And not even a crumb for me! Just wait until my birthday...if they think they're getting any of my cake, they've got another thing coming.

Again, sorry for the long absence--now we're back in business!
Happy birthday Dad!

an apology

This is Asher's dad.  Asher was a little broken up that he let his fans down.  What follows is what he dictated to me to type.  His little hands were shaking so much he could not type.

I need to apologize to all my fans for my lengthy hiatus. Thursday and Friday were Rosh Hashanah where my mom and dad ran youth services and we catered a big lunch, Friday was also my father's birthday, Saturday was a fun filled trip to the Museum of Transportation, and on Sunday me and my dad spent some time together while my sisters were at Grant's Farm. It has been an action packed weekend full of stuff.

This is an apology and explanation, but it is certainly not an excuse. You, my fans, deserve more from me. I made a commitment and I have let you down. For that, I am sorry.

I am going to try to get my rubber ducks in a row and post again later to give highlights of this busy weekend.

I understand that you come to 3AD for a reason. My goal is to cater to that reason. Expect more soon.

-Asher

Shanah Tovah--Happy New Year!

Shanah Tovah from the whole fam!

(Yes, that's me in the pink life jacket. At least they haven't put me in a dress...yet.)

What the What?

So, we are trying to get free stuff from Swagbucks (see the gadget on the right for more information) (please join btw) and I tried to search for the blog you are reading right now. It was just to get another search in to try to win more points. I now know that there is a website for everything. I found something legend, wait for it and I hope that you are not lactose intolerant because the next word is "dairy." My son apparently has a non updated sister site from six years before he was born. The website describes itself as

"A blog archive of the "ASAD: A Sher A Day" series of articles on couplets of Urdu poetry posted on the USENET newsgroup rec.music.indian.misc (a.k.a RMIM) between 1995 and 1998."

Wow. If you are curious, please go to a-sher-a-day.blogspot.com. Look at that link. Really. Do you see it? what happens when you take away those dashes? YOU GET MY SON'S SITE. I repeat, there is a website for everything. Sorry about my ramblings, back to Asher's musings.

Happy Labor Day! (Again, a Day Late)

It is fitting that yesterday was Labor Day, since it was the seven month anniversary of the day my mom was in labor with me. That was a fun day, with being born and all. Yesterday was a fun day too. The fam went apple picking, so I got to experience my first tractor ride and first taste of apples. Delicious! Of course, I still don't have teeth, and the parents didn't bring their food processor with them, so all I got to do was suck on the apples, but that was enough to get an idea of the sweet, juicy goodness that is fresh-picked apples.

Here I am on the day I was born.

On a somber note, my family would like to express our condolences to the family of Assaf L. I never got the chance to meet him, but my parents have known him since he was little, and my sisters met him last summer. He was a wonderfully sweet soul who had the best smile and just brought joy wherever he went. He has left us way too soon, but the time he did spend here will always be a blessing to those who knew him. He will be missed.

Happy Belated Birthday Uncle Jack! Happy Wedding Day to Cousin Lauren!

You may have been wondering where I've been the past few days. Well, we all know I'm a baby. My hands are small and it takes me a long time to type these posts. Then, I like my mom to proofread and edit just in case I made any mistakes that I didn't catch (she does have the English degree, you know)--sometimes my dad does it too because Mom falls asleep on the couch a lot. I've had my posts ready every day, but someone (we won't mention who, Mom/Dad) has been too busy to finish them for me. First they had to actually take time for themselves and watch a movie (I believe it was "Shutter Island"--but they made me go to sleep before they started it). Then it was some Shabbat program at my sisters' school. Then, last night, Dad was working at Best Buy and Mom could have easily taken a few minutes to finish my post, but she decided to go to bed at 9:30! I don't know why she did that--it's not like I've been going through a growth spurt the last few days and waking up every hour to hour and a half.

So, anyway... Thursday was Uncle Jack's birthday! Of course, we're not in the same city, so his birthday celebration couldn't have been complete without me. But, I'm sure he had a fun day anyway.  Happy birthday, Uncle Jack!

This weekend, most of the extended family is in California for our cousin Lauren's wedding. I don't know why we're not in California. I was looking forward to catching some waves and getting some sun. But, we wish Lauren and Scott lots of happiness. (There are too many people named Scott around here, and too many Laurens too.) I'm sure it was a rockin' party, and we all wish we could be there.  Mazel Tov Lauren and Scott!

I finally have found my C legs

I AM ON THE MOVE!

Now do not think that the "C" is a typo.  I am not sailing the seven seas on a schooner.  Don't worry, I will not be on a boat for a while, but when I am I will certainly be wearing a nautical themed pashmina afghan*.  I am crawling.  Well, mostly crawling.  I am doing a lot of scooting.  I go forward and backwards.  It is sort of a combat crawl using my arms, belly, and legs.  No matter what it looks like, I can now move.  My sisters keep leaving tasty toys all over the ground that I can start to suck on.  Mom is tooooooo quick for me.  By the time I get to a Barbie shoe, forgotten crayon, My Little Pony, or their discarded and forgotten lunches, my Mother sweeps in like a peregrine falcon and takes it from my hands.  Ah cruel fate, I can now move to things and they are taken from me before I can get there.

Food Watch 10:  What am I not eating?  Well, all the things that I read about in Gourmet, but I have some good grub gliding down my gullet.  I had a home made french fry, beet salad (pureed) , solid peas and carrots, puffs, peaches, pizza (gummed), and a succulent strip steak from the fine city of New York (not really, but a boy can certainly dream).

Thanks again for all my fans who have been reading incognito.  I have had page views from the United States, Israel, Canada, and Croatia. Just under seven hundred page views in less than a month is pretty awesome.  Thank you fans.  I do all of this for you!

*This is a current cultural reference that went right over my mother's head.  If you do not get it, shoot me a line and I will enlighten you.