HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR

When I am walking with my mom and sisters, it is very easy for someone to lump me into a collective, "you have such beautiful girls."  I could be wearing camouflage  holding my trains in one hand and a sign saying "I AM A BOY" in the other and I will still get called a girl.  Yes, I have very nice features, but they are young boy not young girl features.  What makes people think I am a girl is that I have magestic curly long flowing hair.  It is beautiful.  When people see little people with long hair, they think girl.  But I am a boy.  Grr.

So why do I have this coif a kin to a 1983 prog rocker? All because of that great Jewish Torah Tradition. There is a practice called upsherin, shearing off in Yiddish. Upsherin calls for a boy to not have his hair cut until he is three years old. I am like a beautiful short redwood. I am watered and given light and sustenance (water, love, food). Eventually, I will be the tallest tree in our forest (family) but right now, I am still the world's tallest sapling (a two year old). Jewish law says that a farmer is to leave a newly planted tree unharvested for it's first three years as a gift to G-d. This is why I have not had my hair cut. Getting my hair cut will be a celebration. It will be a step forward where I will no longer be a baby. I will be ready to harvest. That sounds weird. So, sometime in February, probably the 9th, I will have my hair cut for the first time. The big question is what style should I go with? That is where I need all your help. 

So, for the time being, I will look like a little Fabio.  Which is not that bad.  

Felgate, have a better day tomorrow.

Mr. Sandman, Lend me a Train... Do Do Do Do....

Hello Ashfans,  I hope that Buyer's Remorse Tuesday has been treating you fine and that all of your Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday purchases were not just impulse buys.  Mom and Dad do not know that I know, but I know that they bought a Soda Stream half off on CM.  I saw the payment when I was trolling their account looking for fraud.  Just something I do for them since they let me crash all by my lonesome in a big room.  I am still a little confused why they are trying to get me out of my three sided transformer crib/toddler bed which I call Matressmus Prime and into my Thomas-Linened Big Boy Bed (TLB3).  Yes, I know that it is for the baby, but to be truthful, I still think that Mom's belly button is the baby.


So since I started talking about beds, I wanted to let you guys and gals in on a secret.  I have found the best and most comfortable way to sleep, ever!  Different people in my family have different thoughts on how to have a great night of sleep.  For Dad, it is facing a wall with one foot out of the covers.  This has to happen or he cannot sleep. When I go and visit them in the night, I like covering his foot and making him wake up almost immediately.  It is funny.

Gillian does not really have a sleeping idiosyncrasy because she is so frantic that by the time she lets herself settle down, she passes out almost immediately.  She squirms around a lot in the wake time though.

Liana was interesting.  When she was little, she would sleep with some stuffed animals.  That is normal.  What was abnormal was that she also needed to sleep on a Baker's Dozen of assorted books.  These were not flat across the bottom of the bed but scattered all nimbly pimbly in the crib.  To add to the "Den of Madness," she slept with an assortment of dreidels.  Plastic, wooden, small, and not so small, they all found their way into this baffling bed.  She eventually outgrew the crib and with it, the books and dreidels.  Now she sleeps with mob of stuffed animals meticulously placed nightly in just the right spots staring at her.

They are all crazy.  I would like to state that I am not.

I choose to sleep with four baby blankets on me,  three stuffed animals at the end of the bed looking away from me, two library books (Thomas, of course) that I sleep on top of, and the piece d'resistance--four to six miniature trains (Little Engine and the car, two circus transport cars, my new bullet train and car from China)--also under me.  I have to be sleeping on these trains.  If I am not, I wake up and start hunting.  Even when I choose to make my parents' night of sleep better by joining them in their bed and kicking or screaming at them, I bring the trains with me.  You should try it.  This is Tots Legit.  I think I have found the holy grail of sleep aids.  Diecast or wooden trains making indentations on your chest as you sleep.  Anybody else doing this?  We should trade trains.

I am Back!

Hello ladies and gentlemen.  Asher is back.  I know that it has been a few months since my last post so I wanted to just apologize.  Like many people, I did not realize the time commitment school was going to put on me.  Boy, school is a lot of hard work.  I get to play with cars and the train table, paint, have snack, and look cute and awesome.  Yes, I only go two days a week, but the homework is killer.

A lot has changed since August.  Mom is much bigger and tireder.  She is preggo, remember.  Small interlude:   Tonight mom and dad went to the hospital to bring Liana into the world seven years ago.  Wow.  Her birth was not nearly as cool as mine.  She did not want to come out and complications ensued   Me, it was like going down a water slide. But on this water slide, I got to go head first.  Happy birthday, Liana, hope you have a nice one.  I will celebrate your day of birth by not monopolizing dad's tablet, forcing you to play train, or hitting you for not reason with a smile on my face.

Everyone knows that I love my trains. They are my peeps.  I will post in the next days about my love of trains.  Just wanted to say.

So, I got my school picture today.  I want to know what you think.  Let me know.  I love it.

Talk to you all soon.

ASHER!

Look at How Cute I Am!

A couple things in the world of Asher a Day:

1. Last night the blog hit 10,000 pageviews. Not bad for a two-year-old in two years.
2. Last night's post was one of the most popular posts on this blog. I would like to think that it's because I am awesome and you love hearing about my adventures. But, I know the truth. It's all because of that picture of the grainy outline of my baby sister. She's not even born yet and she's already more popular than me. What's up with that?

Well, I'll win you back yet. She can't talk or type yet. She can't even exist outside the Mothership yet (if you don't understand the reference, check out last night's post). So here you go. Bask in my cuteness.

Woo woo!

Later, I gave the goat a ride. Really, I did. (I'm sure that picture will come up later.)

Cute. Surly. Asher.

Look, they're already making me look like a girl (or a Samurai, as Dad says).

It's like Aliens, Independence Day, and She's Having a Baby all Rolled into One!

Earlier this summer I alluded to the fact that my dear mother might have been gaining weight due to a soon to be sentient parasite growing in her. This parasite could have been a boy parasite or a girl parasite.  Today I found out which type of parasite it is.

Let's backstory for a little bit. Camp was fantastic. I have a new older lady in my life. Her name is Yana, and she watched me so that Mom and Dad could do their jobs this summer. Yana played trains with me and introduced me to all of the other international staff. I was like their mascot. Yana is from Russia so her English was not stellar, but she learned more as she went on. She might not have been super fluent in English, but she was fluent in the international language of... ASHER SPEAK! Yes, I have developed my own language just to annoy my family. Woo Woo is train. Hopkah is pumpkin. Mim is to swim. Ayahyah is Little Engine.  Kachanah porayah is Phelps wins another gold! (Just kidding on the last one, but the rest are true.) She was awesome. More about Yana and camp later, back to the parasite.

When we went to camp, Mom was grouchy. I mean like Oscar the Grouch grouchy. Camp made her a little better, but camp can do that. Thanks to Christopher "Pagan" Weise's suggestion to look up gestation, I learned that Mom was pregnant early in the summer. What I did not know was that being pregnant also meant being inflated like a giant whoopie cushion. I can only asume that she was taken over by a space alien, hence the phrase, Mothership. So there is a little space parasite growing in Mom. Something must be done. 

Today we went to a doctor and we all were tortured. Liana, Gillian, and myself were tortured because we were there for two and a half hours. Mom and Dad were tortured because Liana, Gillian, and myself were there for two and a half hours. There was one highlight though, I got to see the face of my nemesis. Let me make some things perfectly clear. I love my family. I must say, I have really started to enjoy being the baby of the family. I do not have to talk, and people bring me things. I get to be cute and people do things for me, it is just like I am Sir Winston Churchill (he was one cute dude, he looked like a Sharpei). Needless to say, I like my spot. It fits me fine.

Now here comes this space parasite threatening to take my spot. What if it takes over the blog? Four months from now you could be reading "A Space Parasite a Day." Heaven's forbid it. This is my domain. I paid for it fair and square. Hold on, my editor is telling me that the domain was free. Still, it is my thing. Grrr.

So back to the pictures.  This doctor rubbed Mom's stomach with a magic wand and video of the parasite came up on the TV.  I saw its little brain, little heart, little hands, little feet, and little butt.  The parasite is apparently eight ounces right now.  I could win in a fair fight, but it is protected my Mommie Battle Armor.  At least there is only one parasite.  The issue is, I do not know how to fight it.  If the parasite was a boy, easy.  I can beat a boy, especially one that is only eight ounces.  But the aliens fight dirty.  THE PARASITE IS A GIRL!  How am I going to beat a girl?  And once the parasite is out and gangs up with Liana and Gillian, what am I going to do?  Not only do I lose my spot as the baby, but I also will have no one to protect me from being made to look like a girl by my three sisters.  Readers,  please help me.  I am in a low place right now. 

Congrats Mom and Dad for ruining my life!  I'm one sad panda.

Look, it's plotting against me already!

Summer Update!

I heard about this guy named Peter who was bit by a spider on his hand and then he got special powers.  They started calling him Spiderman.  My question for my loyal fans?  What if the spider had been a Tick and instead of biting his hand, it bit something that rhymes with tick?  You could call that man...     ASHER!

As of right now, no special powers, but I am waiting.  Maybe my sucky attitude of late as been due to that little ______   ______?  This has been a low point of my summer, but it has really been good other than that.  I love my baby sitter named Yana.  She is teaching me Russian and I am teaching her to sound like a train. 

BTW, I LOVE TRAINS!  I keep falling in love with specific trains and then leaving them in places and crying about them and making my parents make "LOST" signs and then waiting for them to turn them in so I can get it back and be happy and then do it all over again. 

And another thing, Mom is getting a big belly.  I have been noticing it for the past three months.  She was really moody for a while, but she seems to be feeling better now.  I do not know what it is but it is scaring me.  The girls keep kissing her belly but it frightens me a little because it is just getting big.  Once I know more I will let you know.

Last thing, what does it mean when my Mom says that I am not going to the baby of the family anymore?  Somebody help me with this.  I have less than six months to figure it out.

Moving on Up

I recently told you about my great feat. My parents thought they could keep me down by taking the stuffed animals out of my crib, and I gave them a day to let them think they had won this battle. Then I became a leaping gazelle, flying over the bars that once trapped me. Within seconds of being put in my crib, I was over the top and running down the hallway, tearing my diaper off as I went. Mom tried closing the door to my room, but as soon as she left I was over the bars, climbing up the changing table and rocking in the rocking chair.

Mom decided to take action and an amazing thing happened. My crib turned into a "big boy bed." There are suddenly no more bars. I can roll in and out as much as I want, and I have freedom! So far I have managed to use that freedom to get out of two naps, but I'm planning on making my parents think I'm going to sleep through the night with no problems. They're not going to know what hit them next week. They thought Gillian coming in to their bed, kicking them and stealing the covers was bad. Just wait until they see what I can do.

Freedom is awesome. As is being a big boy. The world is my proverbial oyster.

I Love Being Two! (Part 2)

Being two is totally rad!  I finally have the height and motor skills necessary to complete the most awesome of tasks. Yesterday, I scaled the walls of my prison, conquered the bars that have prevented me from mischief--yes, I climbed out of my crib. Gillian was super excited when this happened, but no one else seems to be. My parents cheer and go crazy when I pee in a little yellow bowl (and Liana shouts, "Bravo! Encore!"), but this great accomplishment just got my stuffed animals taken away. (Yes, I did pile them up to create a stairway for my escape, but that wasn't their fault.) They think they can keep me down, but those bars are made for climbing.

Bird is the Word

This weekend Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa came and visited.  It was awesome.  We went to a lot of places and got some fun crafts.  Jack played video games with Dad and Lisa had some nice girl time with the sisters.  Sunday morning we went to the neighborhood garage sale.  We walked around and bought other people's stuff.  I think I really like garage sales.  I wanted to grab anything with wheels that I saw.  I did not care if it was a Hot Wheel, Big Wheel, Wheel Chair, Spinning Wheel, Wheel of Cheddar, Wheel of Fate, Wheel of Fortune, the Wheel in the Sky (keeps on turning), The Wheelers (from Return to Oz), Stealers Wheel, 18 Wheelers, Popping a Wheelie, and a Train.  You all know I love things with wheels.  But that is not the best thing we saw.  We found art. 

Now I love paintings, sculptures, photography, and all other sorts of creative expression.  What we found was something truelly spectacular.  Sitting, leaning up against a car, stood a canvas taller than me.  Solid orange, black, white, blue and yellow stood the bird.  The bird and I made eye contact and it was over.  I must have you, I thought.  This must be mine.  I was strapped to Mom's back and she kept walking.  Why were we not buying this amazing piece?  All I knew was that the street looped back so we would see it again. 

As we were passing it again, I tried to explain to Mom that I really wanted the Bird.  She was not listening to me.  I think part of the problem is that I still do not speak English.  I made eye contact with Dad and he knew what to do.  He intervened on my behalf and it began.  Uncle Jack made the artist sign it, money was exchanged, and now The Bird is sitting in our house.  It does not get any more awesome than that.  Take a look for yourself.  IS THIS NOT AWESOME?

The Bird

Trains, Trains, Trains

I'm in a train kind of mood these days. Ok, I'm always in a train kind of mood. Trains are awesome. They are the best things ever. I could "woo woo" around my train table and around my house all day. I have even tried to sleep with my trains before, but I was "woo woo"ing too much and wouldn't fall asleep, so they got taken away from me.

Anyway, since everyone seemed to enjoy my post about Good Dog Carl a few weeks ago, I decided I'm going to start doing book reviews (and possibly movie reviews, but I don't know if I'm ever going to watch anything but The Little Engine That Could ever again). I know I have a lot of toddler and baby fans out there, so I'm going to enlighten you on the best the library has to offer.

So, my introduction about trains wasn't completely out there, tonight's book is The Goodnight Train by June Sobel. This book takes the process of getting ready for bed and turns it into a train ride, complete with a whole train car full of cookies. Why don't I get cookies when I'm getting ready for bed? But, I digress. I love this book. Aside from the cookies (which I pretend to eat as I turn each page), there are lots of other fun things in all the train cars, plus an alligator that gives kids and other animals a bath with a toothbrush. There's even a mermaid, so Gillian likes it. You also get a lot of chances to make all kinds of different train sounds: "clickety-clack," "chug chug," "toot toot," etc. It's fun, so fun that even when Mom or Dad is reading another book, I shove it in their faces while yelling "woo woo." But, then they took it back to the library. That made me sad. Don't worry, though, I've become obsessed with many more books and you'll be hearing all about them. They're not even all about trains.

I'm a burrito!

I Think I Can

Stay awake all night, that is! It's currently 9:30 pm on Sunday night and normally I am asleep by about 7:15 pm. You would think I would be super tired this weekend. We were out until 10 pm on Friday night for the first seder, so I wasn't asleep until close to 11. I did get my normal nap on Saturday, but then we were at Nana and Gaga's house until about 9:30 that night for the second seder, so I wasn't in bed until about 10. Then we spent today at the Botanical Gardens and I missed my nap, so I should have been asking for bed at the normal 6:30-7ish. Well, my parents made a mistake. They let us start watching a movie before bed and then did not let us finish it. Normally I don't really care about TV--even Thomas the Train doesn't keep my attention very long. But, this week we had the best movie ever from the library--The Little Engine That Could. It's awesome! It stars the likes of Jamie Lee Curtis, Whoopi Goldberg, and Patrick Warburton, and it has lots of talking trains. And a ballerina named Jillian (so our Gillian was excited about that, and Liana was excited that it was spelled with a J instead of a G). So, even though I have seen this movie three or four times this week, I was upset about not finishing it tonight. The girls fell asleep as soon as they got in their beds...before 7 pm. But, I spent the next two hours screaming "woo woo" in my crib, so Mom and Dad finally gave in and are now letting me watch the rest of the movie. I may only be 2, but I know how to get what I want. Especially when Mom and Dad are as tired as the rest of us from the busy weekend and don't feel like fighting the angry, screaming Asher. I rule! So does this movie. Go watch it now! Scream at someone until you can see it.

Spring Break Part 2

Sorry I left you all hanging there with our spring break adventures. I'm not sure exactly what happened--something about Mom and Dad having real work to do and not wanting to be bothered by helping me with my awesome blog.

Anyway, I updated Spring Break Part 1 with links for all the places we visited, in case you are interested. Now on to Part 2.

Thursday--Dad went to work at Best Buy, so we had a Mom only day. I think she was planning on it being a lazy day, but soon realized we couldn't have a whole day at home without the girls hurting each other. So, we went to the library (watch for more upcoming posts on my book recommendations--I have many) where I got to read more Carl and Thomas books, and play with the fish. The fish is my favorite part of the library. He's awesome. I also like running away when Mom is checking out books. 

After the library we went to the mall. Liana had been asking to get her ears pierced, so I guess Mom decided today was the day. Gillian then also decided she wanted her ears pierced.  I have to give Mom credit that she tried very hard to talk them both out of it. And I think she hoped that after Gillian saw Liana do it, Gillian wouldn't want to do it. But those girls were determined. So, we went to Sweet and Sassy, where all the other girls apparently go to get their ears pierced, and started looking at earrings. Now, if you know the girls, you know that Liana is obsessed with green and Gillian is obsessed with blue. We all thought they would choose earrings according to those colors because that's how they make every decision in their lives. But, they suddenly became obsessed with having their birthstone colors. So, Liana chose the yellow topaz and Gillian chose the red ruby. And they both went through with it. It was amazing. The piercers were actually very good--two of them worked together to do both ears at the same time, and they hid the guns behind their backs until the girls closed their eyes. They did it so fast Gillian didn't have a chance to be freaked out and change her mind. So, now the girls have pierced ears. They seem to regret it now because they don't like cleaning them every day--even though Mom did warn them repeatedly about it--but they're stuck with them (pun intended)!

Friday--We had another boring morning that included grocery shopping. Then in the afternoon Grandma Lynn came to visit! Liana had a previous engagement and went on a date with Aunt Louie to the Art Museum, where she brought a sketch book and spent the afternoon creating her own art based on the art she saw (I'm not sure she's really only 6 years old). The rest of us went to Kohls, where both Mom and Grandma Lynn have an unhealthy addiction, and then went to synagogue for a cappella Kabbalat Shabbat.

Saturday--Started with the usual children's services at synagogue. Then we went to Powder Valley Conservation Center where we played in the visitor center (huge fish tank!) and walked the trails. I most enjoyed seeing the huge turtles and playing with the owl puppets (owl is one of my new favorite words).

That's bear poop, in case you were wondering.

After that we had an early dinner and then went to Laumeier Sculpture Park, which is a huge park filled with lots of outdoor art.

Sunday--A final lazy day for the last day of break. We played at the park in our neighborhood and then Grandma Lynn had to go home. We played at Nana and Gaga's house in the afternoon and then headed home for an early night.

It was a whirlwind week, but it sure was fun! I could definitely handle more spring break.

Spring Break Part 1

It's been a busy week! Even though our family attends three different schools (Daddy's high school, Liana's elementary school, and Gillian's preschool) in different districts, we managed to have everyone home on spring break at the same time. So, we took advantage of it. No, we didn't go on a trip--we became tourists in our own town. And it was awesome.  Here's what we did:

Last Sunday--World Bird Sanctuary. They were having their annual Eagle Day, so in addition to seeing all the birds that are usually there, we also got to tour their wildlife hospital, see a show with lots of eagles (one of which, as we learned, likes to eat barf), and do some other crafts and activities. Afterward, we went to the wildlife park next door and saw elk and bison, plus lots of huge turtles in a lake.

Monday--Mom and Dad made us stay home to do yard work. Boo. Liana did end up going to a friend's house in the afternoon, so Mom took me and Gillian for Slurpees to make us feel better.

Tuesday--Butterfly House. Before we even got into the butterfly area, we saw exhibits with lots of different bugs. I called them all snakes, because I like to say snake (pronounced nake-sssss). And then I called them "eww" because that's what my sisters were calling them. Inside the butterfly area was pretty cool. I liked seeing all the butterflies flying around, even though Mom was freaked out by them. After the butterflies we played on the playground and rode on the carousel, plus toured the historic village in the park.

Wednesday--Museum of Transportation. The best day ever, as I told you about in my post yesterday. In the afternoon the girls and Dad went to see The Lorax, while I slept and Mom worked.

I'll end there for now (you didn't think I was going to go through the whole week in one night, did you?). Stay tuned for more!

A Dream Come True

All my dreams came true this weekend. We finally went to the Museum of Transportation when everything was open. It was as awesome as I wanted it to be and more. We played with thousands of Thomases and his friends in the Creation Station, we rode the train which took us around the property where we could see all the old trains waiting to be restored, we rode the tram to the train yard, and we got to play around all the huge trains in the yard. I "woo-woo"ed until I couldn't "woo-woo" anymore. And then I learned how to say "all aboard" and said that for the rest of the day. It was so awesome I took a 3-hour nap when I got home--and this is a guy who hasn't been taking naps everyday and when I do it's only about an hour and a half--I just have too much to do to take time for naps. I'll explain the rest in pictures (we don't have as many as I would like, but I guess Mom and Dad were too busy chasing me as I ran from train to train to actually take pictures of me).

Sitting in the brakeman's seat, trying to figure out if I can reach the cord to ring the bell (p.s. I couldn't, but my sisters rang it plenty).

You would be nervous if you were sitting behind Gillian in the driver's seat too.

Woo-woo!

All aboard!

All aboard! Woo-woo! So many trains, I don't know what to do!

Inside the oil tanker.

Playing with Chuggington at the Creation Station.

I don't know why Gillian doesn't look happy. She has the best seat on the tram!

How do I make this thing go?

What's that?

I want it! Woo-woo!

Best. Day. Ever.

Watch for posts about all my spring break adventures coming up this week--the World Bird Sanctuary, Butterfly House and Carousel, ear-piercing at the mall (my sisters, not me), weekend with Grandma Lynn, Powder Valley, and Laumeier Sculpture Park...and that's not including whatever adventure we have tomorrow. For a week off, we sure were busy!