It's like Aliens, Independence Day, and She's Having a Baby all Rolled into One!

Earlier this summer I alluded to the fact that my dear mother might have been gaining weight due to a soon to be sentient parasite growing in her. This parasite could have been a boy parasite or a girl parasite.  Today I found out which type of parasite it is.

Let's backstory for a little bit. Camp was fantastic. I have a new older lady in my life. Her name is Yana, and she watched me so that Mom and Dad could do their jobs this summer. Yana played trains with me and introduced me to all of the other international staff. I was like their mascot. Yana is from Russia so her English was not stellar, but she learned more as she went on. She might not have been super fluent in English, but she was fluent in the international language of... ASHER SPEAK! Yes, I have developed my own language just to annoy my family. Woo Woo is train. Hopkah is pumpkin. Mim is to swim. Ayahyah is Little Engine.  Kachanah porayah is Phelps wins another gold! (Just kidding on the last one, but the rest are true.) She was awesome. More about Yana and camp later, back to the parasite.

When we went to camp, Mom was grouchy. I mean like Oscar the Grouch grouchy. Camp made her a little better, but camp can do that. Thanks to Christopher "Pagan" Weise's suggestion to look up gestation, I learned that Mom was pregnant early in the summer. What I did not know was that being pregnant also meant being inflated like a giant whoopie cushion. I can only asume that she was taken over by a space alien, hence the phrase, Mothership. So there is a little space parasite growing in Mom. Something must be done. 

Today we went to a doctor and we all were tortured. Liana, Gillian, and myself were tortured because we were there for two and a half hours. Mom and Dad were tortured because Liana, Gillian, and myself were there for two and a half hours. There was one highlight though, I got to see the face of my nemesis. Let me make some things perfectly clear. I love my family. I must say, I have really started to enjoy being the baby of the family. I do not have to talk, and people bring me things. I get to be cute and people do things for me, it is just like I am Sir Winston Churchill (he was one cute dude, he looked like a Sharpei). Needless to say, I like my spot. It fits me fine.

Now here comes this space parasite threatening to take my spot. What if it takes over the blog? Four months from now you could be reading "A Space Parasite a Day." Heaven's forbid it. This is my domain. I paid for it fair and square. Hold on, my editor is telling me that the domain was free. Still, it is my thing. Grrr.

So back to the pictures.  This doctor rubbed Mom's stomach with a magic wand and video of the parasite came up on the TV.  I saw its little brain, little heart, little hands, little feet, and little butt.  The parasite is apparently eight ounces right now.  I could win in a fair fight, but it is protected my Mommie Battle Armor.  At least there is only one parasite.  The issue is, I do not know how to fight it.  If the parasite was a boy, easy.  I can beat a boy, especially one that is only eight ounces.  But the aliens fight dirty.  THE PARASITE IS A GIRL!  How am I going to beat a girl?  And once the parasite is out and gangs up with Liana and Gillian, what am I going to do?  Not only do I lose my spot as the baby, but I also will have no one to protect me from being made to look like a girl by my three sisters.  Readers,  please help me.  I am in a low place right now. 

Congrats Mom and Dad for ruining my life!  I'm one sad panda.

Look, it's plotting against me already!