Monday, December 27, 2010


Marry Christmas to my gentile friends.  I hope you got everything you wanted and had extra to send me.  I wanted to tell you all about a conversation I overheard Liana having with my mom. 
We are all good at something!

Liana: We have the best family in the world and Mom, you are the best one in it.
Mom:  We are all the best at something.  Liana is the best big sister.
Liana:  No, I am the best artist.  Gillian is the best at... (shrug of shoulders)
Mom:  Well, Gillian is the best at being the middle sister.
Liana:  Asher is the best at being the baby.  Mommy is the best at snuggling.  And Daddy is the best at (the rest was whispered) can I say pooping?
Mom:  If that is what you think he is the best at.
Liana: No, no, no.  Daddy is the best at reading on the toilet. 

So I am good at being a baby and my dad is good at reading magazines down the hall.  I feel like us gentlemen got the short end of this best list.  But that is how Liana sees it. 

Monday, December 20, 2010

To All My Special Ladies

First I must apologize for my lengthy absence. I know it's hard for you to go one day without reading my witty recounting of my adventures in being a baby, let alone a whole week. It's been a miserable week for me.  For those of you that are familiar with Seinfeld, I had a cough that sounded like the cough that both Kramer and the dog had (which made Kramer take the dog's medicine). I also had a fever and was leaking many fluids from all the openings in my head. I was still cute, don't get me wrong, but I was pretty disgusting. Now I have passed it all on to Gillian. Not intentionally. If anything, her getting sick has cramped my style because she stayed home from school today. Hopefully she'll go back tomorrow.

Anyway, today I wanted to take some time to send some love to all my special ladies from camp. You know who you are. I will list some of you (and please don't be offended if I don't list everyone...I'm still recuperating!).

Addie--You are like another sister to me, but you're actually nice to me. I miss playing the Sims and taking walks with you. You need to stop being so busy over your winter break so you can come and babysit me.
Audrey--Of all my special ladies, you comment on my blog the most, so I thank you for your support. I'm sorry my legs are not as chunky as Gillian's were, but I think I have enough other kinds of cuteness to make up for it!
My kitchen ladies--Renee and Margaret--You carried me around at meals so I could see all the wonderful food that I'll get to eat next year.
My office ladies--Cami, Megan, Robin, Cheryl, Mary, Angela--I had fun hanging out with all of you and making all of you not work while my mom worked.
Hilla and Gigi--One day you will teach me how to play sports because we all know my parents won't be any good at that.
Donna--I was your special little guy, but now you have a special little guy of your own. Mazel tov to you, and I will try not to be too jealous!

You all are the best. Some days it's hard having only one mom to take care of me!

Here's an old picture of me since Daddy's working on the good computer.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Conquering the Mountain

Okay, I haven't started walking yet, but I've found something even better...the stairs! I've always known the stairs existed, but it never really meant anything to me because someone was always carrying me. Now that I know I can climb them, whole new worlds of possibilities have opened. I see things with a whole new perspective. I have more routes of escape when Gillian chases me.

Right now I can only go up them. Next I'll have to learn going down. Well, I could go down them now, but it would be more rolling/falling than crawling, and Mom and Dad don't want to let me do that.

Sorry I don't have much to say tonight. I'm sick, so I'm cranky, as as you all know by now, that makes everyone else in my house cranky too. So, I'll make this short so Mom and Dad don't have to stay up too late transcribing it for me. I'm planning on sleeping in their bed at some point tonight anyway, so I have to give them a little break.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Oh, Gillian

In Gillian's class, they are talking about sharing and families, so they are sharing their families with the class by making a scrapbook. Everybody's scrapbook page was supposed to be in last Friday, but Mommy and Daddy dropped the proverbial ball and forgot about it until 11:30 Sunday night. So, they scrambled and put together a page for Gillian to bring to school on Monday. Then, Monday morning as we were all getting ready for school, we had a few extra minutes (which is a rarity--normally it's go, go, go from wake-up until 9:45 when everyone is strapped in the car), so Mommy had the great idea for Gillian to draw some pictures to go along with the photos on her scrapbook page. She made some cute drawings and was actually doing a nice job, and then Mommy looked away. Mommy should know better by now. Never look away from Gillian.  This is what happened:

Notice how everyone has a beard or mustache, even little newborn me (which you can't see because Mommy did a bad job taking the picture). Needless to say, the scrapbook page did not go to school today, and Mommy is going to have to redo it tonight.

This isn't the first time Gillian has tried to edit our family either. I have already told you about how she's trying to lose me so she can get a girl baby. Well, we also learned at her parent-teacher conference last week that whenever she draws a picture of her family she leaves out Liana. And when her teachers ask her where Liana is, she just gives them that cute, seemingly innocent smile.

Now here's your picture of me, on the last night of Chanukah. I was sleepy.
 Also, I haven't started walking yet, so you still have time to cast your vote. Sorry, Lee!

Thursday, December 9, 2010


First of all, I know you are reading this. I have my ways. So, why haven't you voted in my contest? I'll give you more information so you can make a more educated guess. I turned 10 months on Monday. Gillian walked at 10 months. Liana walked at 12 months. I rolled over at 5 months, crawled at 6.5, and started pulling up around 8 months. I have been cruising for a couple weeks now. All you have to do is pick a date when I'm going to start walking, and if you're the closest you get a prize! Law student Aunt Louie wanted to know the specific definition of walking, so we decided that it is two intentional steps. Her guess is January 2. We also have December 12, December 25 (a Christmas miracle), and February 9. So, leave your guess in the comments. And become a follower!

So why am I an a saucy mood? I'm going to tell you a story. I love the fridge. If anyone opens it, I drop what I am doing and high-tail it over there. There are a couple of jars on the bottom shelf of the door that I love to rearrange. It's a feng shui thing. Mom is usually pretty good about leaving the door open a few extra seconds to give me some time to make my changes. Well, today, I guess she got distracted and walked away while I was doing my thing. I lined up some sweet and sour sauce, some teriyaki, and some fish sauce on the floor. Everything was falling into place and then I realized that the cap on the teriyaki looked interesting. Next thing I know, I have a pool of teriyaki sauce forming around me. I love swimming, so this was awesome. Not only was it fun and splashy, but it smelled great too! Keep in mind, I was naked when this happened as well (my pre-dinner naked time). Of course Gillian had to ruin my fun and let Mom know. But then I got a bath, so that worked out swimmingly!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Happy Birthday Momma!

So today is a great day, but a day that could almost be looked over.  Today is my Mom's Birthday Day!  My mom does not want gifts on this special day and would actually get mad at my dad if he bought her something.  So I wanted to get my fans to know what Mom does for me and my family.  This morning I interviewed all my family to find out what makes our mom the best mom there is.  Without  and further hesitations,  Why Mom Rocks!

Me (Asher):  My mom feeds me whenever I am hungry with the most natural and organic home cooking that there is.  She makes me all sorts of cool clothing and accessories (which she is thinking of selling so if you are interested, let me know.  She makes baby legs, carriers, hats, swaddling blankets, sleep sacks, and other things.  They are good and stylish and customizable)  She also looks after me, protects me from my sister, and makes sure I do not eat things that would kill me like Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony pieces.  When every I cry she picks me up and makes me feel better.  She is always there for me and I love spending time with her.  She is the best mommy I have every had.

Gillian:  My mom helps me be a princess every day!  She finds my toys for me that have unexplainably become lost.  She gives me snacks when I am hungry and tolerates my unique and incomplete clothing choices.  I know she does not like it but she lets me climb on her.  She doesn't give me as many time outs as I sometimes deserve and is always there to comfort me when I am having a night terror.  She know that even when I am goofing around, assaulting Asher, or blatantly disregarding her requests, that I lover her all the time.  I got really lucky that my Mom is my mom.  She is great and I love her sooooooo much!

Liana:  Wow, what do I want to say to Mom?  I have so much but I left my notes at preschool so I am going to have to do this from the the mental notes.  My mother makes me proud to me a woman.  I watch her run our house from the financials to the day to day logistics.  Nothing phases her and she always keeps her cool.  The three little people in our house can be a handful, but she handles us very well. Because of her I want to be a Mommy and something else.  We are a full time job, yet she works to help other people all the time.  I need to lead my cohorts in helping her keep the house clean, but it is hard when there are just so many ponies to play with.  She has improved my computer skills to the point where I am a junior Geek Squad agent.  She really is an inspiring person and I am happy to have her as a mother. 

Scott:  This is a great idea Asher.  I would be happy to contribute to this.  Ann Lesley really is a fantastic mother. She manages a house, children, careers, and me (I am probably the hardest to manage of the list).  She works hard.  I mean really hard.  Hard might not even be the right word.  She is always working.  Whether it is cleaning, cooking, creating, composing, crafting, combusting, camping, crooning, whatever, she is doing it with vigor and gusto that masks how tired she really is.  She is an amazing mother and wife and I am luck to have her.  It has been a great run so far and it can only keep getting better.  So here's to you Ann Lesley on the second anniversary of your 29th birthday!

It's me Asher again.  So what do you want to tell Ann Lesley on her birthday?  Use the comments box below to leave your wishes and what she means to you.  Anyone who has had the privilege and honor to know Ann Lesley is better because of it.  Help us celebrate her birthday fans.  Hopefully you will do this more than you have submitted to my contest.  Submit to both!

Thanks and happy birthday Mom!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Would you like to play a game?

Greetings and salutations all of my loyal and devoted fans.  It is a chilly Monday today and I had an idea to warm every ones hearts.  It is only a matter of time before I shed my crawling shackles and emerge as a walking free man.  I would like to get you all involved in this if I can.  Now, I have fans from all over the world:  Canada, United States, Israel, China, Russia, Denmark, and other hits from here and there.  I can not have you all come over to my house and have you take turns helping me learn to walk.  Even though that would be fun, it would not be practical, there is not enough space in my room and I am not making that many Hors d'oeuvre. 

This is what I propose.  I am creating the first and only
An Asher a Day Presents:
The Day that Asher Walks Bohnanza! 
This will be a virtual event with prizes being awarded for the most accurate guess.  What are you guessing?  The day that I start walking is the target.  I can stand great now and I can even leaning into things but what shows that I am getting close to walking is this thing called cruising.  This is where I walk around things mostly being supported by them.  This I am good at.  But walking unassisted, this is not where I am yet a Viking. 

So this is your task all my fans:  Leave the date in the comments for the day that you think that I am going to be walking.  Who ever gets it closest will win a fabulous prize.  Remember, even though I am just a baby with a most bodacious stock portfolio, I have very little disposable and liquid assets.  I will be creative with your reward, do not worry.  So, leave a comment with the date you think I will be walking.  A name will help so that I know who wins and deserves the prize.  While you are doing that, become a follower so I know who is keeping an eye on me.  You do not have to be a follower to participate, but it would be a nice gesture.  This should be fun.  And with that, get those entries in!

When am I going to walk?  Only time and "you" can tell!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

My Knew Trick

Why the K in Knew?  Well, I am working my knees and that has that pesky silent K, so why not?  Did you know that the knee is not the only part of the body below the waist that you can use for mobility?  Aparently those feet that I drag behind me when I crawl are good for something other than looking cute and eating.  I can use them to stand.

Look! No hands!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The End of an Era

Yesterday was a sad day at our house. Mom was making dinner--teriyaki tofu burgers. She needed to grate up some carrots, so she got out the Magic Bullet. You know the Magic Bullet. You've probably seen it on TV. It's the infomercial with the super-peppy Australian guy and some blonde girl who are preparing breakfast for a bunch of grumpy people in pajamas who become less grumpy as they learn how awesome the Bullet is. Well, after seven years of fairly regular use, the carrots proved to be too much for the Bullet, and it died. It didn't just die, it died spectacularly by breaking into several pieces.

That Magic Bullet has been with our family for a long time. It was one of the first things Mom and Dad bought after they got married, and they loved it. It really did live up to the infomercial hype. Throw in a tomato, onion, avocado, and cilantro, and 1, 2, 3, you've got guacamole. Use the blender attachment, instant milkshakes. Use the juicer attachment, fresh grapefruit juice. And then they started having kids...homemade baby food, breadcrumbs made from the crusts of bread the girls don't eat, the possibilities were endless. There was nothing the Bullet couldn't handle. But then those carrots came along. And it's done carrots just fine before. I guess it was old, tired, ready for Mom to start using the huge Cuisinart that just sits lonely in the closet because it's so bulky and annoying to clean. It served our family well, and it will be missed.

And in other news...Happy Chanukah!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Monday, November 29, 2010

My First Thanksgiving

Let me tell you, for a baby who loves to eat, Thanksgiving is awesome! I think we were eating most of the day. We started off with pancakes for breakfast. I know what you're thinking...why make pancakes for breakfast when you know you're going to be eating so much later? Because Liana and Gillian were obsessing about pancakes. And they wouldn't be eating much of the Thanksgiving meal later anyway. The pancakes were pretty awesome. I got a pancake in the shape of an A, and then got to eat the leftovers of some of Liana's L-shaped pancakes.

There was no lunch. I didn't like this. But, I did get to destroy a few pieces of bread that had just been baked.

Then we went to Aunt Louie and Uncle Sock's house. They have a cool house. First, they have Casey (or, is it Kasey?), who is a dog and is about three times my size, but I love when she licks my face. Apparently I am one of the only people who get a kick out of this. Most people tell her to stop when she licks their faces--I don't know why though, because it's so refreshing.

They also have chickens. Uncle Sock made a house for them and they live in the backyard. Their names are Camilla and MJ. MJ lays eggs, but Camilla does not even though she is supposed to. Once Uncle Sock gets his certification to be able to kill chickens in a kosher way, Camilla will be our dinner. MJ had recently laid an egg when we went out to visit them, so we got to get it out of the coop.

Another cool thing about their house is the fireplace. We have a fireplace at our house, but it is boring. Their fireplace had a fire in it! I really wanted to check it out up close, but I kept getting picked up.

Uncle Sock also makes his own pickles, and as you all know, I am Pickle Man. So, I got to eat a bunch of delicious pickles while we were waiting for dinner to begin. I also got to crumble up a lot more bread. Casey liked this part a lot.

Finally it was time to eat. Pomegranate-glazed turkey with wild rice stuffing. Wasabi mashed potatoes (I didn't get to have these). Sweet potatoes. Green bean casserole. Two kinds of cranberry sauce. Yummmm. I bet you all thought the turkey would be my favorite, but you're wrong. The wild rice was the best! Actually, the best part of the meal was that they put my food on a plate (since I didn't have a highchair with a tray). Plates are fun for throwing. The food goes everywhere! Casey also really liked this part.

Dessert was three kinds of pies--honey pumpkin, cranberry pear, and caramel apple. I got a small taste of whipped cream (but it was pareve, so it couldn't have really been cream!), but then I fell asleep.

At some point while I was sleeping, Gaga tried to saber a champagne bottle. It was not successful. But, there is a video, and it's pretty funny to watch him with Uncle Sock's huge Indiana Jones machete (Uncle Sock is an archaeologist) trying to get that champagne bottle open.

So, that's my first Thanksgiving. It was a good one. I'm thankful for all you wonderful fans!

It looks like food, but it tastes like plastic!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Rock On

Liana here. I'm going to give you a little break from Asher and tell you about my mix CD that I made for my birthday. It wasn't my idea--wasn't even Mom and Dad's idea. They stole the idea from my friend Zach who made a mix CD to give out as the favor for his 4th birthday. But, it's a cool idea, so I wanted to do it for my 5th birthday. I basically just thought of all the songs I really like (and one song I love that I wasn't allowed to put on the mix), and put them all together for everyone to enjoy. Here's the tracklist so you can all rock out with me:

Light and Day/Reach for the Sun—The Polyphonic Spree

Barking at the Moon—Jenny Lewis (from the movie "Bolt")

Volcano—The Presidents of the United States of America

Fill it Up—Trout Fishing in America

Final Countdown—Europe

Raining Sunshine—Miranda Cosgrove (from the movie "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs," or as Gillian calls it, "Chowdy," which is short for "Chowdy with a Meatball")

Peanut Butter Balls—Care Bears (you can watch the video for this here--it's awesome)

Mr. Roboto—Styx

Bohemian Rhapsody—The Muppets

Mr. Blue Sky—Nerf Herder

Shenandoah—The Statler Brothers

I’ve Been Everywhere—Johnny Cash

All My Friends Are Insects—Weezer

Zero, My Hero—Schoolhouse Rock

See My Vest—The Simpsons

Sunny—Boney M (from the movie "CJ7")

You Spin Me Right Round—Alvin and the Chipmunks

Here Comes the Sun—Sheryl Crow (from "Bee Movie")

Vocalise—Eduard Hil

Losing Streak—Eels (from "Shrek the Third")

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Liana's Birthday Weekend Extravadanza

No, that's not a typo. I did mean "extravadanza!"

Sorry I did not get back to write a new post earlier this week. All the excitement left me feeling a little under the weather. People are continually amazed by how much snot can come out of one little nose.

Let's talk about Liana's birthday weekend. Liana turning 5 was too big an event to be contained in just one day. It started Friday, which I already covered in another post. In the afternoon Grandma Lynn and Grandpa Howie came into town. They bring an entourage--a small, but very loud entourage--their two miniature dachshunds, Mini and Moe. They are some of the few creatures in this family that I am actually larger than, but I think I freak them out because I am largeness impaired.

Saturday was the big birthday party for Liana's friends. It was at a gymnastics place. Imagine 15 four- and five-year olds, plus Gillian, running around and screaming. Luckily they were all too busy actually doing gymnastics to think about smooshing me. The upside to the party was that my future girlfriend Lauren was there. She's Liana's friend Ryan's little sister (I think Liana and Ryan are going to hook up eventually too). She's a month older than me, but that's just how I roll. She is almost walking, so I have much to learn from her.

This place was cool.  There was all sorts of gymnastics equipment everywhere! A lot of it was not used by the people at the party but maybe they were used by the US Olympic Gymnastics Team!  I might have sucked on the same balance beam that a future gold medalist walked on.  I do not know if I should be honored or disgusted (I often suck on things that touch feet such as my socks, shoes, floors, steps, etc...)  Liana and her cronies jumped, flew, ran, hopped, flipped, rolled, gallivanted ,and canoodled all over the place with trampolines, ropes, nets, balance beams, rings, foam pits, spring boards, parallel bars, and a cool slightly springy floor.  I sure know my gymnastics, I am like a modern day Vitaly Scherbo.

After the party we went back to Nana and Gaga's house for hamburgers. It was awesome! I don't get much meat, so to get it two days in a row was almost unheard of.  My family got to use Ga's new telescope to see four moons of Jupiter and a lot of moon detail.  My dad thought he saw an alien up there on that silly old moon, but it was just an eyelash. Go figure.

Sunday:  Liana went to Sunday School.  I got to chill with Grandma Lynn which was awesome.  I love when my Chicago fam comes to visit.  I need to pencil some more time with them into my schedule soon.  We had Five Guys for lunch.  No one would give me a peanut.  BOO.  Dinner was fajitas and was my first taste of avocado. For some thing that has the consistency of well formed poo, it was surprisingly good.    I think that my next stop is going to be guacamoleville. 

So that was the weekend.  It took me a whole week to recoup from it.  Today is Thanksgiving.  I plan to do a post about all things turkey tonight before my dad needs to go to sleep to be at Best Buy for Black Friday.  To all my fans, talk to you later.

Sunday, November 21, 2010


What can I say? That meatloaf was the best thing I have ever eaten. The salty little morsels, with just a touch of sweetness. The vegetables that melted in my mouth. All served with mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy. Delicious does not even describe it. I've eaten a lot of good things in my nine and a half months. I've found even better things on the floor that the grown ups haven't let me eat. But nothing compares to that meatloaf. Liana may be the vegetarian in the family, but I am the carnivore!

In other news, today is Liana's fifth birthday. I'm a little angry about this birthday thing because everyone seems to be having one except for me. All I have had is my birth day, and I didn't even get a cake. I'll have a full report of the birthday festivities tomorrow night.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Meatloaf, Here I Come!

This post is dedicated to Jacqui F., who stayed up late last night waiting for my post and I let her down. Due to the amount of fanmail generated by last week's play-by-play, here is what happened today...

7:00 am: Wake my crib.  Why am I in my crib? Normally by this time I have made my way into Mom and Dad's bed. Something about them wanting to get more sleep? I don't think so.

7:02 am: After the initial confusion, start my morning conversation with The Frog. He's not very talkative this morning, but he's a good listener for being my arch enemy.

7:05 am: Get bored with The Frog, stand up, start yelling. Dad comes and gets me.

7:07 am: Snuggle up with Mom for my morning milk. Gillian is next to me. I'm not sure about this.

7:20 am: Having survived my morning milk with Gillian next to me (she was too distracted by "The Berenstain Bears"), Mom and I are off to the shower. I get to play on the bathroom floor when Mom is in the shower because they have figured out this is the safest place for me. If they put me in my crib, I get lonely with the door closed and then I usually get things thrown at me because Gillian can open the door. In the bathroom, Mom can intervene even if Gillian gets the door open.

7:25 am: Discover the toilet. It opens! There is water in there! Reach my hands in...and Mom magically appears and stops me.

7:35 am: Diaper wrestling. Clothes on. Gray pants, blue and gray striped onesie, blue vest. I am cute.

7:40 am: Crawl around Mom and Dad's room while Mom fights with the girls to get them dressed. It has been about a week since Mom vacuumed, so I find lots of good stuff to put in my mouth.

8:00 am: Breakfast. Banana and Cheerios. Banana in my hair!

8:45 am: Off to school.

8:46 am: Pull off my socks.

.9:03 am: Flirt with the teacher while she unbuckles Liana and Gillian. And...they're gone! And I fall asleep.

9:20 am: Mom wakes me up in the parking lot at Sam's while trying to get me into the mei tai. We're only here to get the treats for Liana's school birthday party, but there's a special display of tiny suits at the entrance. Mom has stopped and looked at these several times before (they are super cute). Today she looks at them a little longer...and picks one out for me! Now I'm all set for Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa's wedding. I'm going to be the most handsome dude there.

9:45 am: Fall asleep in the car again.

10:40 am: Get woken up by Mom again. I'm in my crib so I guess she moved me there at some point. Try to sleep more while getting my diaper changed.

11:00 am: Arrive at school again. Aren't we a little early? The girls' classes are just coming off the playground, so we follow them inside. Gillian leaves her class and comes with us to the Lizard class. Oh yes, we are Shabbat Mom and Shabbat Baby today. Plus we have brought treats for Liana's birthday.

11:15 am: Sing all the Shabbat blessings in Liana's class.  Challah, yum. I drop crumbs all over the floor, so the teachers let the pig out and she cleans up the floor. Yes, Liana's class has a pig. Her name is Millie. She's kosher, don't worry.

11:30 am: Shabbat with the whole school in the chapel. I get passed around by the teachers, which I deal with, but I actually just really want some milk. I missed my mid-morning milk because of Sam's and falling asleep in the car. I am hungry!

12:00 pm: Take Gillian with us, leave Liana at school, go to Nana and Gaga's house for lunch. Banana puffs, vegetables from soup, egg salad. Mess.

12:55 pm: Back in the car pool line. Trying to fall back asleep. My naps are all messed up today.

1:03 pm: Liana is back.

1:25 pm: Mom attempts to make me take a nap, but since I slept for a couple minutes in the car, I'm not having it. Crawl around upstairs while the girls decorate goodie bags for Liana's party. They're using foam stickers. I wait for them to fall so I can eat them. They're delicious, you know.

1:45 pm: While the girls are occupied with the stickers, Mom gets the playlist ready for Liana's birthday CD. Rock out with Mom to Mr. Roboto, The Final Countdown, Muppets Bohemian Rhapsody, and other awesome songs that Liana is obsessed with.

2:15 pm: Mom tries to make me take another nap. Fail!

2:20 pm: More rocking out. Now "His Name is Lancelot" from "Spamalot" is on repeat. This is Liana's absolute favorite, but Mom won't put it on the CD. She is afraid other parents will get upset because it's about Lancelot being gay. Liana thinks it's about how Lancelot likes to dance a lot.

3:00 pm: Another attempt at getting me to fall asleep. Success.

4:00 pm: Wake up. Get ready to go to synagogue for A Cappella Kabbalat Shabbat and meatloaf dinner. I can't wait for the meatloaf! After all, it is meat in the shape of a loaf. Who wouldn't love that? Plus Gila calls me Meat Loaf and she is one of the most awesome people around (not as awesome as me though--remember, A is for Awesome and A is for Asher, so naturally Asher is Awesome!).

I'll report back later on the meatloaf. Shabbat Shalom!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This Turd Brought To You By the Letter Q

I didn't realize there was a correlation between what you eat and what goes into your diaper. I'm just a baby, remember. Well, I learned today that sometimes what you eat comes out in your diaper. In my case, it was a neon green foam sticker of the letter Q.

In other news, I'm rethinking this Gillian thing. Maybe she's not trying to smother me. I think she might be trying to mother me. (Ha, look what I did there.) This morning I was snuggling in bed with Mom, getting my morning milk, and Gillian came in to snuggle with us. Normally this is the part of the day where she starts poking me. This morning, as she was rearranging the pillows and stealing all the blankets, she said, "I wish I had milk in my boobs. Then I could feed Asher too." Amazing! She really does care for me. She just has a strange way of showing it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Car Pool Pollution (Not From My Diaper)

I'm talking gas, and not mine.
I'm just a caveman baby. I poop in my diaper. I drink milk. I can't type more than 60 words per minute. But even I know that cars turn off with just a quick flick of the wrist. Keys are for more than just eating. Every day, actually three times every day, I am amazed as I sit in the car pool line that people do not turn off their cars!

Let me explain how the car pool works. In front of the school, there are four marked spots on the one way driveway. All the cars line up and the first four load or unload their kids. Then they leave and the next four go, etc., etc., until all 100 something kids have been dropped off. Now, in the morning, it's understandable for people to keep their cars on. Not everyone comes at the same time (there's about a 20 minute window around 9 am when the teachers are there to take the kids), and there's usually only one or two people in front of you. But in the afternoon, the world comes to a standstill. Let's just say, it's easier for the teachers to figure out how to take kids out of carseats than it is for them to figure out how to get them in. You can be in that line for a good twenty minutes, and it takes up to five minutes for the four front cars to get fully loaded, so you have lots of stopped time.

I was curious. I called the EPA, texted my buddy Al Gore. I thought, maybe these grown-ups know what they're doing and it actually uses less gas to keep the car on for twenty minutes than to turn it on and off a few times. They're wrong. I found several sources that said that if you're idling for over a minute it's the same as turning the car off and back on. It's ridiculous the amount of gas that is being wasted and the amount of pollution that is going in to the air. And this is every day! At schools all over the place! It may not seem like much for a few minutes here and there, but it really adds up. Today we got there early at 11:45. Some non-eco-douche pulled up being us driving their Hummer (actually, it was just a regular SUV, but they're all the same to me--I'm little). Now, we weren't going to be going anywhere until at least 12:00 because that is when the kids come out. But, they left their car on the whole fifteen minutes! What a waste. Dante must have imagined a circle of Hell reserved specifically for these people.*

Apparently there are truths more inconvenient than the load in my diaper.

Good day.
I know how to turn off my car.

 I said, good day!


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Care Bears Countdown

My sisters are obsessed with Care Bears and My Little Ponies. They also have all my mom's old Barbies, so most days it's like it's 1985 around here. They get a movie from the library every week, so they've been through most of the Care Bear and Pony videos, both the originals and the newer versions. Today we watched the Care Bears Giving Festival Movie, a brand new movie that just came out this month. I have to say I'm disappointed. Now, I know I didn't grow up with the originals, so I shouldn't care that much, but...the Care Bears can fly now. Instead of "Care Bears, prepare to stare" or "Care Bears count down," it's now "Care Power Up." And then their belly badges glow and they fly. They don't even go down to Earth anymore to help sad kids. They just stay in Care-a-Lot and deal with their own issues. Ridiculous. Also, the Care Bears used to look like cute, cuddly bears. Now they're skinny and have huge heads. The same with the ponies--their bodies got smaller and their heads got bigger. What up with that? (A shout out to Kenan Thompson and the awesomeness that is "What Up With That?" on SNL.)
Old Care Bears

New "Care" Bears

I wanna be a Care Bear

Thursday, November 11, 2010

My New Game

I want to thank everyone for the fan mail yesterday. There was an overwhelming response to yesterday's post! I'm glad you all enjoyed it so much! Here is a quote from one of my fan letters: "Just had to let you guys know that I just read the last two posts on Asher's blog and it caused me to disturb the whole library with my laughing.  So, now the blog is no longer allowed to be my study distraction.  But I enjoyed it.  The play by play of the day should become a regular feature."

So, after much thought, I have decided that I will do a day off note at least once a week. The fans have spoken! Also, I love hearing from you! I would love for all of you to become followers of this blog--just go to the right side of the page, scroll down, and click the follow button!  Thank you!

I have a new game to share with you today. No, not Bite the Nip. That was yesterday's game, and that would be weird if anyone but me played it. This is a game that just about everyone can play. In fact, if you can crawl, you can play. It's called Catch That Broom!

We have wood floors in most of our house. We also have a three-year-old and an almost five-year-old. They like to eat snacks. Therefore, there is a lot of sweeping going on in our house. I really like the broom. I really like the piles of stuff the broom makes. I love putting stuff from those piles in my mouth.

The game is very simple. No matter what you're doing when you see someone pick up the broom (in my case, Mom), stop what you're doing and...Catch That Broom! Mom's pretty good at moving the piles away from me, but that makes the game even more fun. This morning I chased her all around the house and I did manage to snag a few tasty morsels. I even caught the broom! So, next time you see someone pick up a broom, I highly suggest you try it.

To go along with that, I also tried playing Catch That Mop this morning--not as much fun.

Thanks to everyone for reading!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

This one's for Gila--a day off note for your birthday

Happy birthday to Gila! Gila is one of my mom's and dad's best and oldest friends. Mom and Dad were talking this morning about how it's her birthday and I learned about something called "day off notes." Back in the day when Mom and Gila were counselors at camp, when they didn't have their weekly day off together,whoever stayed in camp wrote a play-by-play of what was happening at camp. They were often inappropriate, always hilarious, and it sounds like they were all around awesome. So, even though I haven't gotten to meet Gila yet, I know how important she is to my family, and decided to try one of my own.

6:50 am: Wake up to Gillian in my face. Terrified. Also realize I'm in a puddle of pee big enough to cover me and Mom. Silly diaper. Good thing it's laundry day. Despite the pee, stay in bed snuggling with Mom for a few more minutes while Liana and Gillian watch "Curious George." Overhear Mom and Dad discussing the wonders of the day off note.

7:05 am: Diaper and pajamas are off. Sweet freedom!

7:10 am: Crawl around Mom and Dad's room while everyone starts getting ready for school.

7:20 am: Mom goes into Liana's room to get her a different shirt because Liana didn't like the first one she had.

7:21 am: Poop on the floor. (I'm pretty impressed that I did this. I don't poop every day, so to be able to time it to do it in the small window of time that I don't have a diaper on and Mom is not right next to me was pretty awesome.) Gillian yells, "Poop!" Mom runs in the room. Mom yells, "He's eating it!" (Because I am, in fact, eating it--both fists and my mouth are full and my binky is shoved into the pile on the floor.)

7:22 am: Bath in the sink.

7:30 am: Clothes on. Boo. Striped onesie and jean overalls. I am cute.

7:31 am: Continue to crawl around on the floor in Mom and Dad's room while everyone is getting ready for school. Avoid Gillian when I can. Get smooshed when I can't.

8:00 am: Breakfast. Blueberry puffs and banana. Definitely more delicious than the poop. Just about as messy. I have banana in my hair now.

8:10 am: Gillian pours her Raisin Bran on the floor. Why? "Because I'm done."

8:25 am: Liana and Gillian play doctor while Mom makes lunches and gets snacks ready. I continue to smear banana on myself.

8:32 am: Clean-up time. There is still banana on my overalls.

8:45 am: Off to school! It takes forever to get out of the house though, because Liana and Gillian have to bring their army of ponies.

8:50 am: Buckle, buckle, buckle everyone into the car. Plus, put on Gillian's shoes because she always takes her shoes off in the car and Mom doesn't have enough hands to carry them inside.

9:02 am: Long line at carpool. Everyone seems to be running late.

9:06 am: My favorite moment of the day. The teachers come in the car, flirt with me, and then take Liana and Gillian away!

9:15 am: Back home and time for a nap. Check back later for more updates!

Also, today I call myself Meat Loaf!

9:15 am-11:00 am: Nap time. That was a long one for me. I guess I was tired from waking up so early. And I wanted to give Mom a  break after dealing with the poop.

11:05 am: Diaper wrestling. I don't like getting my diaper changed, so I do everything I can to avoid it. I wiggle around and I like trying to grab the lid off the Vaseline jar that's on the changing table. It's blue and rectangular, good for chewing.

11:15 am: Mom puts laundry away in the girls' room. I love being in the girls' room when they're not around--so many good things to chew!

11:20 am: Time to move along the laundry. Another great opportunity for me. Mom puts me on the floor in the hallway which gives me the chance to go get the rocket ship night light. I love this night light. It's shaped like a rocket ship and it's green and sparkly. Any time I'm on the floor I go for it and they're usually fast enough to stop me. But, when Mom is doing laundry she's just distracted enough that I can get my hands on it. It's awesome! I don't know why they don't like me pulling it out of the wall and sucking on it.

11:45 am: Time to go sit in the car pool line again.

12:03 pm: Gillian gets in the car. Sadness. Normally she finds something to throw at me once she's in her seat. Today I am spared. We go to Nana and Gaga's house for lunch (their house is closer to school and we have less than an hour before we have to pick up Liana).

12:15 pm: Lunch. Butternut squash, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, parsnips--in other words, vegetable soup without the broth. Also, banana puffs. All I really want is the butternut squash though. It's the best. And milk from Mom. But, then I start playing Bite the Nip and she won't let me have anymore milk. I scream, only because I want to keep playing the game.

12:52 pm: Back in the car pool line. Liana's class goes until 1 pm because she's in pre-K, and Gillian's class only goes until noon, but Mom and Dad don't want to pay $40 extra a week for Gillian to stay and eat lunch at school. So, it's annoying, but cost effective.

1:04 pm: Liana's in the car and we're off to the library.

1:20 pm: I love the library. There are lots of pillows for me to climb on, and lots of books for me to take off the shelves.

2:30 pm: Home from the library and I'm worn out. Time for another nap--check back later for another update!

2:30-3:30 pm: Just a short nap this afternoon to make up for the long one this morning.

3:30 pm: Another game of Bite the Nip.

3:45 pm: Mom makes popcorn for everyone but me! I spend the rest of snack time crawling around trying to eat whatever Gillian drops on the floor.

4:30 pm: Help Mom put in the 5th (yes, 5th!) load of laundry...and we still have one more load plus diapers in the pipeline. Victory is mine! I capture the rocket ship! It is quickly taken away from me.

4:45 pm: Bathtime for the girls. Gillian climbs in and before sitting down she pees all over the place.

4:47 pm: New water in the bath.  I keep trying to climb in, so Mom puts me in with them. I don't know whether to be happy or fearful. I like the water. It is warm. There are toys. So many foam letters for me to chew on! Yet, there is Gillian. I get a few cupfuls of water poured on my head, but don't go under at all, so I consider this bath a success.

5:30 pm: Dinner. Just about the same as lunch, with a few bites of the girls' mac and cheese.

6:30 pm: Time for bed. New stories from the library. Making up songs to sing to the girls. Snuggles all around.

I hope you've enjoyed this special Gila's birthday edition of Asher a Day. Back to your regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow. Good night!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Family Photos

Now that my parents have the good camera, and three super cute children, they've been trying to take nice pictures of us. You'd think with three kids as good-looking as us and an awesome camera it would be easy to get a good picture. Not so much. The camera is not the problem. Usually the problem is Gillian. Here's a sampling from a recent photo shoot:

So let us examine the three pictures for deeper meaning.  Liana barely changes in this series.  She poses and waits for the photos.  This is her age and experience.  Now take a look at Gillian.  Look at her eyes, her planning, her cunning.  She saw an opportunity and took it.  Did she care that it was going to be documented for posterity?  No, she does not operate that way.  Now look at me.  Sitting there sporting my Hawaiian shirt (I am bringing them back single-handedly) and holding my leaf.  I know trouble is going to happen but my baby body is powerless to protect myself from the middle monster.  Now I love my sister, but Gillian gets joy out of hurting me.  That makes me sad.  Eventually, I will be bigger with full control of my body and I will write Gillian an angry e-mail using bold red Helvetica.  Yes, I will use Helvetica.  Now you know I am serious.  I only use Helvetica when I am serious. 

Monday, November 8, 2010

Whirlwind Windy City Weekend of Wild Wonder, Part 2

Now that I'm back on the good computer with all the photos (no, I did not learn to fly yet, just managed to grab the computer before Dad could get to his Frontier and Mafia), I can share a little more about our trip to Chicago.

We started the trip on Thursday afternoon. Dad left school early so we could get there before it was too much past bedtime. We were making good time, with only one short stop, and were on schedule to arrive by 8 pm. Then, a little bit south of Joliet, traffic suddenly stopped. Liana and Gillian started whining, "Oh no, it's a traffic jam!" which they always do when they see more than about 10 cars on the road. The GPS didn't say anything about traffic, so we figured it wouldn't last very long. GPS was wrong. It ended up taking up about an hour and a half to go 5 miles. We were all very crabby. I was so crabby that Mom crawled out of her seat over to mine and figured out how to give me my milk while I was still in my carseat. No bottles necessary!

Friday we spent the day with Grandma Lynn and Captain Grandpa Howie. We had lunch with Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa and then played at a kids' art studio where I made my first friend my age. Of course, this was a friend I will never see again, but it was the first 9-month-old I've ever encountered. We had quite the conversation and enjoyed poking each other's faces. Had I not left my Blackberry at home, I might have been able to gather his contact information. Alas, my small (but cute) pockets.

For dinner Friday night we met my mom's friend Kyle and his family. He has a baby who is only 3 months old, so he can't do all the cool things I can do, such as play polo. Despite the fact that he can't sit up and is just figuring out how to use his hands, he still seems pretty cool. I think we'll be friends one day.

Saturday Mom and Dad went to a wedding and I got to play more with Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa. We also went to a Halloween Festival with Grandma Lynn and Captain Grandpa Howie. I think I would have enjoyed it more if I was allowed to eat candy.

Here are pictures from our weekend:
That's the biggest hot dog I've ever seen. (Also, note my sleep sack made by Mom.)

Twin brides

My dad's 8-point cross star filter. They love that camera.

Just barely visible in the corner--my dad's nemesis Commander.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Whirlwind Windy City Weekend of Wild Wonder

I must say that with my 9 month old vocabulary, that is some extraordinary alliteration.  I guess that is what happens when you are eating from an MFA multiple times a day.  So this weekend, my loyal fans, was a wedding far north of Chicago.  Not camp north, but far up in Illinois.  My dad's roommate in college who happened to be one of his groom's men got married in a beautiful ceremony followed by a very nice reception.  I have only heard about how nice the wedding was second hand as I had to look after my grandparents and sisters back at the homestead.  In my next post I will write about what I did over the weekend and I will post some pictures from the wedding that my parents took with their cool new 8 point cross star filter.  I would post the pictures tonight, but I am in my crib with Uncle Jack's old computer and even though I asked very nicely through a series of loud yells and cries to be released to grab my other computer loaded with photos, my parents have turned a deaf ear to my needs.  Ah, when I can fly, life will be so much easier.  Why walk when you can move in style?  Think about it. 

Now that  is deep.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

So tired

Everyone in my house is tired. We had our whirlwind Chicago trip, Halloween, open house at school, Gaga coming home from China.  Too many late nights. So tonight we'll try to make it an earlier night, and therefore, a short post. Here's me sleeping:

Here I was too tired to lay down.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Sorry I've been gone a few days. We were visiting the fam in Chicago and were super busy (more about that another day). Tonight, here's just a quick post to show off our Halloween pictures. And to showcase how dorky my sister is.

I had a video of Liana telling her joke, but couldn't get it to upload. Here is the joke:

Where did the ice cream cone put the melting ice cream?
In the oven because it wanted to eat it like soup.

In case you couldn't tell, my sister created that joke herself. Quite the up and coming comedian.

That was the trick, now here is the treat.  I was the cutest dragon ever. I have a cold, so I was a sad dragon, and then a sleeping dragon in my mom's pouch, but mostly I was a cute dragon. Liana was a rainbow (again, made up by her) and Gillian was Princess Ariel Getting Married (the costume was actually Ariel's wedding dress, found on craigslist by mom, perfectly combining almost all of Gillian's obsessions--princesses, mermaids, and weddings--no ponies though).

Don't you know that all princesses ride giant geese?

That's a pot of gold on Liana's head.

This is Liana's rainbow pose.

And a happy birthday shout out to my nap buddy Sarah C.!