Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year!

Play a Kazoo, Happy New Years to You!
I just wanted to take a few moments away from my swinging New Years party that I am hosting to wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year.  I hope that 2012 brings all of you happiness and other nice things like Ipads, nice cars, found winning lottery tickets, fine cheeses, aged beef (not with the previous item, I am a kosher baby), nice weather, no delays when flying, only moderate traffic, and last but certainly not least, that your favorite TV show does not get cancelled. 

(see the gap in her teeth?)
Next year, expect more Asher a Day on a variety of topics.  I will talk about my resolutions (there are many), my favorite things (there are many), and my favorite people (there are many).  Thank you all for making 2011 great and I am looking to spend 2012 with you all. 

Be safe tonight.  And if you can not be safe, please be careful!

Asher Out!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Gillian = Iron Chef

As Jews, food is very important to us.  This is currently a season where it is very acceptable to fry anything and call it a holiday tradition.  I am enjoying Hanukah.  We have had latkes two out of three days so far and there will me more in the future.  This is a great season.  Food part is going swimmingly I would have to say.

The gift part is not so much.  I think my mom must think I am a dummy.  Liana and Gillian have been getting night gowns, cool blanket characters, Littlest Pet Shop, and thumb print art and ink pad.  They are loving Chanuka.  Ask me what I got, I dare you.  My haul equals an activity book that is not age appropriate, a blanket that I had already gotten when I was younger, and two books taken from the bag of out-of-circulation books in my room (one about learning to pee).  My mom must think I do not realize this, but I do.  I act excited because you want me to be.  I would enjoy a new car though.  Does not neet to be fancy, but I would enjoy heated seats.  Apparently if you play a certain tune, a gift-wrapped Lexus appears in your driveway.  Dad, play that funky music!

Back to food.  Gillian's preschool class made a cookbook.  "We are good cookers!" The Lizard's told their teachers how to make their favorite foods.  This is Gillian's:

Brownies by Gillian
Ingredients:  Chocolate in a box, 2 eggs, 3 butters, 1 cup of milk.
Directions:  Crack the eggs in a bowl.  Pour in the milk.  Put the chocolate in the milk and melt it.  Put it in a bowl and stir it wth a big spoon.  Scoop it into a pan.  Put it in the oven - make it kind of hot.  Cook it for 12 hours.  Use mitts to get it out.  Cool them and cut them.  Then you eat them.  They taste good!
MMMMMMMMMMM.  Burnties!  Here are two of our other favorites. 
Ingredients: 2 eggs, a little bit of yogurt, some bones, turkey
Directions: Mix it all and put it in the oven.  The oven should be a little hot, not hot-hot.  Use gloves, like my mom has, or outside gloves, to get it out.  You have to cut it with a sharp knife.  Put it on a plate with honey mustard and ketsup and then you eat it. 
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Ingredients:  1 cup sugar, 5 cups pudding, 2 eggs, 3 cups milk, 7 chocolate chips
Directions:  Mix all the things together in a bowl with a spoon.  If you put it in a blender it will all pop out.  Scoop it with a spoon and put all the big dots on a pan.  Put it in the oven at 40 degrees for 40 hours.  Take them out - use big gloves.  Blow on them then eat them.
I hope you are all having a great holiday season and not letting your four year olds do the seasoning.  I love word play!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

My Sisters are Famous Artists (aka, "We Love You, Parry Gripp!")

In the past I've written about my family's love for the musical genius of Parry Gripp (you can see the posts here and here). I mean, for those of you who know us well, you know that "Space Unicorn" is basically our family's theme song and the girls will often break out their "marshmallow lasers." You can also ask Gillian how a space unicorn says "Shabbat Shalom." Well, the love has reached a new level. My parents finally got it together enough to help the girls enter one of Parry Gripp's drawing requests, and the girls not only drew pictures of "Slushy the Slushball," but they made it into the video. I have to warn you that "Slushy" is a Christmas song, but it's about a slushball. And how can you not love a slushball? Check out the video below. Gillian's drawing is at 0:45 and Liana's is at 0:52.

In case this is is your first exposure to Parry Gripp, be prepared to be astounded and amazed. If you decide you love him and want more, here are some recommendations:

I love "Fuzzy Fuzzy Cute Cute" (I like to pretend to fall asleep at the end like the bunny), "Boogie Boogie Hedgehog," "Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom" (there's a car in it), and "Hamster Yawning in Your Face" (I also like yawning in your face).

Gillian's favorite is "Robot Dog is Coming Home," much to Liana's dismay. Liana can't stand Robot Dog, but Gillian loves it because there's a picture of Robot Dog marrying Space Unicorn.

Mom is partial to "Chicken Tender," despite the misspelling at the beginning. Say "hinky dinky do!"

Dad likes "Overweight Hedgehog."

This is just to get you started. Every song is amazing. I hope that I have enlightened you.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Suckas Gotts to Know!

This is a shout out to my Dad's best friend John wishing him a very happy birthday.  John has been like an uncle to me since I was a tiny tiny tot.  He visited me in the hospital, helped my Dad on Sundays when Mom worked by hanging out, and is around at all our birthdays.  He is part of the family and a really great guy.  I know Dad gives him a hard time about some of his obsessions, but they are what gives him character. 

So, on behalf of the the whole Asher A Day Staff, Happy Birthday John!  In honor of your birthday, I post images of some of your favorite things.  This will increase my random hits and also will also act as a birthday surprise.

The Smashing Pumpkins:
This is is John's favorite band.  Why does that guy in the front look like an incomplete extra from American Horror Story?  And why is he not wearing the giant hoop skirts everyone else is wearing?  And why is the guy in the back so far away from the others? And why does the guy in front look like Batboy?  So many questions, so little time.
The Smashing Pumpkins:
This photo was unwrapped.
The Saint Louis Cardinals:
This one does not make sense to me.  How can watching this guy play baseball be fun? 
The Blues:
 He looks surprised to have made this list.

Any team that plays against a team from Kansas or Kansas City:

John will root for his favorite teams and then any team that plays against a team from Kansas or Kansas City.  He will not eat Kansas City bar-b-q.  He is committed.

John Likes US History.

John also likes Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Happy Birthday John from all of us!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Give Me Some Corndogs!

I guess my mom felt like being unhealthy tonight, so she gave in to Dad's suggestion to make corn dogs, which was brought on by Gillian's insistence on having baked beans. (The corn dogs were kosher hot dogs, homemade non-dairy cornbread batter, baked in mini-muffin tins, so not as unhealthy as they could have been.) Dude, this was the best meal ever. The girls ate a couple of the mini cornbread muffins that didn't have hot dogs in them, Gillian ate a couple bites of plain hot dogs and a few beans, Liana ate one very dramatic bite from a hot dog, but I was the king. I ate three whole mini-muffin corndogs, plus the leftover hot dog from Liana. Why has this meal not happened in our house before? I'm tired of all the tvp, tofu and other meat substitutes, not to mention the pasta and quesadillas (which seem to be the only things the girls will consistently eat). Give me my meat! I'm a growing boy.

I want meat!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Mom: Hero or Klutz?

When we picked Gillian up from school today, the first thing she said was, "Mom, did you throw Asher down the stairs at baby school today?"

So here's that story:

Last Tuesday Mom and I were at baby school and it was time to go downstairs to the big room for gross motor play. You know, lots of big balls to throw and kick around, scooters to surf on, trampolines to dance on--general awesomeness. Normally I walk down the stairs, but Mom was carrying me because I had been insisting on "booping" down the stairs on my butt and was taking too long. I was only taking too long because I wanted her to boop with me, but she wasn't playing along.

Anyway, halfway down the stairs, Mom lost her footing (maybe due to me being squirmy, but that's not an important detail), and slid down a couple steps. In the process of trying to grab the handrail and not throw me down the stairs, her foot folded under her and crunched. I'm pretty sure at that point Mom knew something was wrong, but she didn't want me to miss my play time, so we went to the big room and threw around balls, all the while with her foot swelling up in her shoe.

Now there are not a lot of things that keep Mom down, but when we got home that day she sat down on the couch with an icepack and pretty much didn't move the rest of the day. The next day Dad didn't go to work and we had another adventure at the hospital where I got to spread my awesomeness around even more and then have a huge tantrum in the middle of the hallway. (I wanted to throw my Cheerios on the ground and then eat them like a dog, but Dad wouldn't let me, and there was only one x-ray tech working so it was taking forever.)

Never fear, Mom's foot was not broken, but a week later she still isn't moving much, so we'll see how that one turns out. Take away from the story? Mom saved me from being thrown down the stairs even though she was the one who almost did the throwing.

Monday, December 5, 2011

All About Hanukah

My big sister Liana is in kindergarten and is somehow the only Jewish person in her class. Mom doesn't quite understand this because she grew up in this school district and there were a ton of Jewish kids. Anyway, Liana has been feeling nervous about being the only Jewish person, but she recently discovered that her teacher's husband is Jewish, so her teacher celebrates Christmas and Hanukah. So, Liana decided she wanted to teach her class all about Hanukah, and she wrote a book to share with her class. Here it is. (Sorry my mom did a bad job with the scanning--I will translate. You can click on the images to see the full size.)
All About Hanukah

We light the menorah for eight nights. We eat latkes and jelly doughnuts. 

We play dreidel. We give presents.

We tell the story of the Maccabees. A great miracle happened because the oil lasted for eight days instead of one.

We eat chocolate gelt. We have parties.

We give tzedakah. We like Hanukah. "Yay." "Yay."

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Another Photo Shoot Gone Wrong

Just look at this series of photos. No explanation necessary. (You should be able to click on them to see the full versions.)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Daddy on the Bus Says...what?

I go to what my sisters call "baby school" once a week with my mom. It's pretty awesome. I get to hang out with a bunch of other dudes my age. We parallel play with cars, steal the grocery cart from each other, throw balls, and make big huge messy art projects our moms would never allow at home. We also have music class as part of the morning. I'm not as interested in music class as you might think--I would rather stay in the classroom with the huge bucket of cars. There are a couple xylophones that have wheels on them though, so that usually keeps me occupied.

My beef today is with the lyrics to a song we usually sing: "The Wheels on the Bus." You all know the song, so I don't have to explain it to you. So, the mommies on the bus say "I love you." Fine, that's accurate. Then, the grandmas on the bus (we have a lot of grandmas who come to baby school) say, "I love you more." I can handle that too. Then we get to the daddies, and what do they say? "Way to go." What? Why can't the daddies say some version of "I love you" also? My daddy says "I love you" all the time. Maybe whenever the song was first invented (or when our music teacher was little), daddies were too macho to say "I love you," but I don't think that's the case anymore.  I wonder if we would say that if a daddy was actually at school with us? Hmmm...I might have to see if I can experiment.

Don't box me in!