Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

I wanted to take a moment to congratulate two special people in my life for reaching a milestone.  My Mom and Dad were married eight years ago today.  Since I am only a little baby, eight years is a hard thing for me to comprehend.  My parents have been married:
252,288,000 seconds
4204,800 minutes
70,080 hours
2,920 days
417.14 weeks
96 months
And just of the novelty of it:  1 Octennial and 208.571428571 Fortnights.  (I do not know what these are)
That is a lot of fortnights.  All that this shows me is that my parents have been married a really long time.  Look at all those seconds! Neither of my sisters were born when my parents were married so they cannot tell me about it and I was certainly not there.  I wish I was, I heard it was a rocking good time! 

I can't belive that my Mom would date
 someone who looked like that, even if
he eventually becomes my dad.  Geez,
Look at that hair.  My lord. 

My parents met at camp when they were both campers. They both had been campers one other year but not at the same time.  I like to believe that it was destined for them to meet at camp because it made a special place even more special to them.  It took them a while to get together (almost two years) and then they dated long distance for five years.  My dad, who is quite the romantic, even proposed to mom at camp.  Even though they were far apart, it never seemed like it.  They would see each once or twice a month and then for the full summer at camp. 
I have heard stories of their wedding.  They were surrounded by friends who had been with them all the way from when they met, started dating and got engaged.  There was dancing, singing, and even Tunaking.  Everyone was so happy for them.  It was really a celebration.
So on this Octennial let's take an invnetory of where my parents are at. Mom and Dad have three great children, a satisfactory home and careers the are content with.  They have created an amazing family that I am happy to be a part of.   You can see their love and how it has shaped our family unit.  My parents deserve to have at least one night where my compatriots and myself sleep through the night.  So, I proclaim that tonight Liana, Gillian, and myself will go to sleep with no fuss and will not wake up!
Being under two, it is very hard to buy a present for my parents.  But I researched what I would get them if I could buy them something.  I just want to put on the table that people are stupid.  Look what I found while researching.  
The traditional eighth wedding anniversary gift is bronze.  Is this like a third place finish?  Congrats, you got to bronze.  Nice job.    
The modern gift is an appliance.  “Dear, I love you.  I have loved you for eight years.  Take this toaster as a sign of my affection.”  Or "I love you almost as much as clean sheets.  Here is a new washer and drier.  Get started."  I guess you do have to be married to someome for a while before you can get away with giving him or her an appliance as an anniversary present.  That takes chutzpah. 
Apparently they should also take a specific trip based on what anniversary number they are on.  The eighth anniversary trip is to a Casino.  (I feel there are some good jokes that could go in here, but I am not brave enough to type them.  Use your mind to think them up.) Shouldn’t that be the 7th or the 11th anniversary?  I digress...
So Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!  I love you both and hope you have a really good day.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Wiping up Poop Week...

I hope you all enjoyed Poop Week.  I know that I did.  I wanted to wipe up anything left over that did not make it into the bowl, I mean blog.  I talked about boat poop, fraud poop, berry poop, and Nugget-- four days of poop.  Now why not seven days of poop?  Well, I am going to answer that with a medical conundrum. Not everyone poops every day.  I know, I can't beleive it either.  Today I had 2.1 nice poops.  I am a pretty regular pooper.  Usually, I like to poop right after my mom or dad changes my diaper right before I go to bed.  That's how I roll.

Here is a bonus poop story for you.  Saturday night we are driving home fron Nana and Gaga's crib and I hear Gillian starting to sing a song.  The words are simple.

"I'm pooping on the Eiffel Tower."  X3

Then she laughed. 

Well, that is Poop Week.  Let me know what you thought of it in the comments or on my Mom and Dad's facebook pages.  Look for regular post from me.  I have some ideas that I want to share with you all that will come soon.  Have a great night and a pleasant tomorrow. 

P.S.  Look at yesterday's post.  My Mom and Dad forgot to advertise it to everyone.  Click here to read it..  It is not related to poop, but it is a good one.

I do not get Shuffleboad.  It looks like I am throwing a poop though.

Sunday, August 28, 2011


Liana started school super early this year, so I've had two weeks with just Gillian and Mom. I've listened to a lot of strange Gillian conversations. Here's a winner:

Gillian: Mom, when will you be dead?
Mom: I don't know.
Gillian: Well, I'm going to be dead when I grow up! Who are my kids going to be?
Mom: I don't know--whatever kids grow in your tummy.
Gillian: Who's going to be the dad?
Mom: When you grow up and find someone you love you can get married and that person can be the dad.
Gillian: I already have someone. Amichai? [Amichai was a boy Gillian was good friends with at camp.]
Mom: Ok.
Gillian: Or maybe it should be Joseph. [Joseph is a boy from her school.]
Mom: You have a long time to figure it out.
Gillian: Actually, I'm just going to marry Daddy.

Also, Gillian has a kind of warped sense of things. We've been seeing a lot of convertibles driving around lately. When Gillian sees one, she sings in a teasing sort of voice, "That car has no top!" And then she usually says, "We're lucky our car has a top."

She also wants to be a queen when she grows up.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Poop Week Day 4: Identity Theft is Poop

A lot of you know by now that my mom has been dealing with identity theft this past week. Someone has been on a shopping spree, opening lots of new credits cards, and Mom is getting the bills. So far, it hasn't been so bad to deal with. All the credit card companies have actually been very helpful. Mom has just been spending many hours on the phone. We even got a visit from the police so Mom could file a police report. At first I thought I was being arrested because it's illegal to be this cute. The best part of the police visit?

#1--When Mom called them she thought they would either take her statement over the phone or have her come in to the station. Nope, they said they were coming to the house. Now, remember, Mom had been spending hours on the phone while Gillian and I were both awake. What happens when Mom is on the phone and children are awake? The house gets destroyed. All the cushions off the couches, crayons and uncapped markers all across the floor, small pieces of paper everywhere (Gillian's new favorite activity is cutting her art), crumbled rice cake trails marking everywhere I had been. Mom also hadn't had a chance to shower yet after exercising, so she was stinky and gross and then started running crazy around the house trying to get it presentable enough for the police to see. Keep in mind, we live in a small community, about 5 minutes away from the police station, so this all happened very quickly (I think there is still a lot of stuff shoved under the couches.)

#2--The detective who came to the house was named James Ford. This is only exciting if you are a Lost fan, but for Lost fans, it is super exciting. Also, as Mom said, he wasn't as hot as Josh Holloway.

So, that's the poopy situation we're in for now. Things seemed to have settled down for now (two days with no new credit cards in the mail!), and everything seems to be working out. We're not sure how Mom's information got out there, but it's a good reminder for everyone. Keep your information safe!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Poop Week Day 3: Pooberry

The Blueberry, that is. Yes, the most beloved character in our house right now is a blueberry named Pooberry. Here's the story: The girls like Mom and Dad to sing them songs each night. They each get three songs each night (unless they do something to lose one), so you can imagine how many times we have heard "Twinkle Twinkle," "ABC," "Baa Baa Black Sheep," etc. (We have actually had some nights where all six songs are with the same melody and the girls don't seem to mind--it drives me crazy!) Eventually the girls started asking Mom and Dad to make up songs. Dad's are one-trick ponies. He sings them one night and they are quickly forgotten. Mom's, for some reason, can go on forever. For example, Gillian had a Mom song about a princess named Pink who had a pony named Rainbow and a dragon friend named Googagoogagoo who liked to go to a cotton candy waterfall. Pink and Rainbow and Googagoogagoo's song came back night after night with many different adventures until Mom and Dad got tired of it and eventually got it out of the rotation.

Now we have Pooberry. This happened at camp. Dad would make up random one-night songs about fruit that had different personalities. One night Dad was out working late and Mom started making up some fruit songs, and suddenly Pooberry was born. I didn't think it would stick. None of the other fruit songs she made up did. But there's just something about Pooberry.

The basic premise of the song is that Pooberry rolls around town or the forest or by a river and gets eaten by some kind of animal or person. Pooberry gets upset about being eaten and finds a way out, either by tickling or dancing in the animal's stomach, and then gets pooped or barfed out. Eventually Pooberry started picking up friends to travel around with. The first friends were Red the Raspberry and Black the Blackberry. Gillian often reminds us that Red is the only girl in the crew. Then they met Corny the Corn, Manapple-y the Apple and Steve the Orange. Then one day they got trapped in the circus and met Black Licorice the Bear. Black Licorice ate all of them at first, but then when he realized they could all talk, he barfed them out and became their friend and protector. Then they escaped from the circus and started riding around on his back to get wherever they needed to go. Then they met Flicky the Moose, and now Corny, Manapple-y and Steve ride on Flicky and Pooberry, Red and Black ride on Black Licorice. Most recently they met Grover Cleveland, who snores so loud that he keeps all the would-be predators away while they're sleeping.

And that's Pooberry. We don't get to hear any other songs at night now. "Shenandoah" used to be Gillian's favorite song and it was a nice song to relax to. Now we get six songs worth of Pooberry every night.

I couldn't make this up even if I tried.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Poop Week Day 2: So That's Why They Call it the Poop Deck

If I were to start a post by saying I pooped in one of my diapers, no one would think a thing of it. But if I were to say my five-year-old sister pooped in one of my diapers, that makes for a good tale. So begins Day 2 of Poop Week.
This past weekend, we vacationed with the extended family (Nana, Gaga, Aunt Rin, Aunt Louie, Uncle Sock, and Casey) and rented a house on the lake for Gaga's birthday extravaganza. It was an awesome weekend--swimming, eating (the main food groups of the weekend were donuts, cake balls, and meat), tormenting Casey (she's a dog for those of you who don't remember, and her tail belongs to me), staying up late, and basically having free reign of an un-baby-proofed house. Also, Uncle Sock and Aunt Louie brought their new canoe, and it is my new best friend. You haven't seen a tantrum until you see me left on the dock as one of my sisters gets a canoe ride instead of me.

Anyway, on to the poopy part. Saturday we rented a pontoon boat and spent the day unsuccessfully trying to catch fish. There are many things a pontoon boat doesn't have. A bathroom is one of them. We had plenty of swimming time, so that took care of most of the bathrooming needs. But then, Liana had to go, and when she has to go, she has to go. We were anchored at the time, eating lunch and fishing and spent a short time debating. Since we were planning on swimming, she couldn't just make a floater, and we were too far away from any marinas to think about that (and it turned out our boat's motor had shorted out and we couldn't have driven to a marina anyway--an hour later we were being towed). So, Mom suggested one of my diapers. Now, I have a little booty, and Liana is the size of a 10-year-old, so my diaper wasn't going to fit on her. Super-genius Mom decides to get Liana propped up in a squatting position and volunteers to hold the diaper underneath her as Nana holds up a towel for privacy. Of course, nothing much stays private as Liana provides commentary throughout the whole poop. "Ok, here comes the poop." "Whoa, I'm peeing too!" "It's still touching my butt." All this while everyone else ate lunch on the other side of the boat. Yay, Liana.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Poop Week Day 1: Nugget

It's time for me to branch out and have a theme week. Think "Shark Week," but less shark, more poop. Poop is a big deal to a baby and to anyone who takes care of a baby, so it's about time that we dealt with it.

Today's story is about pooping out. You all know our Zhu Zhu Pet Sottie, I mean Spottie, and Spottie's friends Nugget and Azer. Spottie is doing well, and we still haven't found Azer (I guess when you're a ninja hamster you are super good at hiding). Nugget, however, is having some troubles. When you're a little motorized hamster with wheels, especially when you're roaming around a house like ours that has three children and a dad who leave lots of messes, you're going to get stuff stuck around your wheels. So began Nugget's slow demise. First she would just stop, and if you banged her against the floor just the right way, she would go again. Then she stopped being able to go forward and could only go backwards. It was a sad sight to see, that poor little Zhu Zhu rolling around in backward circles. So, Mom tried to swoop in and save the day.  The trouble with moms is that they can do so many things that they think they can do anything. Sure, my mom can make dinner, do laundry, keep Liana and Gillian from killing each other, and combat identity theft (see Poop Week Day 3: Identity Theft is Poop) all at the same time, but she cannot perform surgery on a tiny motorized rodent. Nugget's innards ended up being strewn all about the couch, and while she got most of the hair and other crap out, she could not get Nugget put back together again. At least, not in the correct way. Nugget is paralyzed now, and can only make its annoying noises. As cool as Zhu Zhu pets are when they are roaming free, they are just poopy when they can't move. Nugget is nowhere near as much fun to torment as she used to be.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Philosophy With My Sisters

My parents always talk about how we kids have awesome brains. It started with Liana because she's ridiculously smart and often acts like a 30-year-old. Then it went on to me because I'm awesome all around. And then I think they gave it to Gillian just to counteract the middle-child syndrome. Anyway, we are all awesome.

This morning, Mom, Liana and I were still at the table eating breakfast (a new cereal this morning-Oatmeal Squares-even better when thrown at people) and Gillian was running around doing whatever Gillian does. Out of nowhere, Gillian says, "I think God has an awesome brain."

Liana, knowing everything as usual, says, "Well, of course God has an awesome brain. He's God."

So, there's your lesson for today. God has an awesome brain.

What's going on over there?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Growing Boy

I had my 18 month check-up today and boy was it awesome. First I got to play with the roller coaster bead toys that were in the waiting room. Why are those toys in every doctor's office and nowhere else? They are awesome! Then I got to flirt with all the nurses who thought I was super cute (though I did have some competition from Gillian because she had insisted on wearing her Queen Esther dress and was super fancy). Then I got to be naked, which is always cool. The nurse left the door open at one point and I tried to take off down the hall to show everyone my naked glory, but Mom was too fast. The doctor's office also recently installed new planet mobiles above the exam tables, so there were lots of colorful balls to look at (insert joke here). I did an awesome job at growing and being healthy. I'm in the 75th percentile for height and 50th for weight, so I've put on some chub since my last check-up. And I'm happy to report that I did not cry for my first shot, and I only cried for two seconds for my second shot. They distracted me with a new ball pretty quickly. Gillian of course reported to Liana that I cried two times, but she was just being dramatic.

The part that had nothing to do with me was Gillian's obsession with her little plastic platypus toy that she found in the prize drawer at the doctor's office. On the way home, she named it Platy, and its nickname is Pinkie, and its last name is Pinko. She kept talking about how she wanted to make a house for it, but Gillian is very easily distracted, so I didn't believe she'd actually do it. We got home and right away she found a box and got to work. Mom made lunch for everyone, but Gillian (who is constantly eating) didn't touch hers because she was too busy. Then Mom put me in my crib for a nap and normally during that time Mom works and keeps Gillian out of her business by letting Gillian watch TV or play computer. But, as I'm told, she did none of those things during my nap today. She worked on that house for a good two hours--cutting out windows, decorating it inside and out, making a bed and a food bowl for Platy. She never works on anything for that long. She's like a goldfish when it comes to attention spans. Then she was still obsessed with it two hours later when Liana came home, so much so that Liana had to make a house for her little plastic mole that Gillian had picked out of the prize drawer for her. At least we know she can focus on things now.
The Houses: Mr. Mole's on the left and Platy's on the right

I can drive a truck now too!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Going Viral

Apparently I have become very popular--or, at least, I have moved up in search engine rankings. Normally when I have a new post, I have about 30-40 pageviews in a day. So, you would expect that during my long summer of silence I would have very few visitors to my site. You can imagine my surprise when I logged on last week to have over 150 pageviews in the last several days. Somehow my post Care Bears Countdown has suddenly started coming up for people searching for the cuddly creatures. It's my first step to going viral!

In other news, I go for my 18-month check-up tomorrow, so I'll let you know the results. Liana is sad that she's going to be at school and have to miss it. She wants Gillian to report to her if I cry or not. Dude, I'm getting shots. Of course I'm going to cry.
I'm throwing an iron at you.

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Return of Sottie

You might remember my story about my sister's Zhu Zhu Pets and how they called the one named Spottie, Sottie. If you don't remember, go read it. Today I have a story about how all things come around. The Spottie/Sottie situation has become a joke in my family. People are always saying, "Oh, you mean Sottie!" because it is really funny. For some reason my parents forgot to pack the Zhu Zhu Pets for camp, so I had to go the whole summer without my three little buddies (before camp I had acquired my own Zhu Zhu Pet Azer--he's actually a Kung Zhu Ninja). When we got home I found Nugget and Spottie right away (Azer is still in Ninja mode and nowhere to be found) and started chasing them. I could spend all day following those little guys around. My sisters were making lots of noise, either cheering me on to help me catch the Zhu Zhus or cheering the Zhu Zhus on to get away from me. Then, my parents started making fun of my sisters again by yelling, "Go Sottie," "No, you mean Sottie," "Oh, Sottie," etc. Out of nowhere, Liana, in her most annoyed teenager-like voice, said, "It's Spottie." Suddenly everyone stopped (except the Zhu Zhus because they never stop) and just looked at each other. Mom and Dad made Liana say a bunch of other words like star, school, stop, etc, and she could say every one. All of a sudden, those s-blends clicked and she could speak like a real person!

Now I need to start working on speaking like a real person. I do say the essentials--cookie, cup, up, ball, woof, mama--but most other things still come out ga. I'll keep you posted on those developments.

In other news, Liana started kindergarten today! And for some reason, Liana being gone all day makes Gillian nice. I made it until 4:30 today without getting hit, kicked, or sat on. I could get used to this.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

What a Summer!

You may have been wondering where I've been for the last three months. It was a wonderful, magical place, where I was king of all the babies. Camp! I'm sorry I didn't update you on my adventures throughout the summer. I may be 18 months old now, but I still don't have the motor skills to do all my typing, and Mom and Dad were too busy with all their work (aka, going to Bauer's--the local tavern, for those of you unfamiliar) to help me type my posts.

Alas, we are back home, getting back into a routine, and Liana will be starting kindergarten on Monday, so that will give Mom so much more time for me. Don't worry, I will update you on all the happenings of the summer in the coming weeks. Today I will be sharing the story of our homecoming.

Before I do that, however, I have to give a special shout out to my bro Effie, who was my babysitter for the summer. We had awesome times together and he showed me how important it is to always be yourself!

So, we came home Tuesday night. In past summers when my family has come home from camp, there has usually been some kind of emergency waiting for them. One summer it was a flooded basement (which was right after the basement had been remodeled, with new drywall and carpeting). One summer it was a broken water heater. This summer, it was....two things:

1) Moths in the pantry--goodbye all the flour, sugar, etc., that Mom had acquired for all the random baking and cooking projects that she and the girls want to do.

2) This one takes some explanation. Before the summer, Gillian had her birthday party in which she got a plastic princess tub filled with different princess games. At some point before we left, the games were taken out of the tub. This afternoon, Mom was cleaning up from her and the girls' cooking project (homemade kiwi-apple fruit roll-ups) and Gillian was playing with the various princess games. Then she decided she wanted to open the tub to see if anything else was in there--which there was, just not princess games. She couldn't get the tub open herself, so she brought it over to Mom, at which point it slipped out of her hands and opened. Then, the horror. Black goo splattered out across the floor and there was some mass of black grossness filling the pink tub. Mom and Gillian ran away, Mom threw Gillian into the sink to wash her, and then Mom quickly cleaned up the trail of black goo that went from the play room to the living room before anyone else could get it on them. They all hid in the bathroom and called Dad, and then went outside to play until Dad got home. Dad removed the grossness from the house, but even with close inspection he could not figure out what it was. There have been mice in our house before, so that was everyone's first thought, but it was too far decomposed to tell. Later Gillian was playing in the playroom again and found more of the black goo that had been dripping out of the tub onto all the other toys underneath it. Needless to say, we have no more princess tub and have thrown away some other toys.

So, that was our exciting homecoming. Be sure to check back often...I'm back!