The BESTEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD!

Marry Christmas to my gentile friends.  I hope you got everything you wanted and had extra to send me.  I wanted to tell you all about a conversation I overheard Liana having with my mom. 

We are all good at something!

Liana: We have the best family in the world and Mom, you are the best one in it.
Mom:  We are all the best at something.  Liana is the best big sister.
Liana:  No, I am the best artist.  Gillian is the best at... (shrug of shoulders)
Mom:  Well, Gillian is the best at being the middle sister.
Liana:  Asher is the best at being the baby.  Mommy is the best at snuggling.  And Daddy is the best at (the rest was whispered) can I say pooping?
Mom:  If that is what you think he is the best at.
Liana: No, no, no.  Daddy is the best at reading on the toilet. 

So I am good at being a baby and my dad is good at reading magazines down the hall.  I feel like us gentlemen got the short end of this best list.  But that is how Liana sees it. 

To All My Special Ladies

First I must apologize for my lengthy absence. I know it's hard for you to go one day without reading my witty recounting of my adventures in being a baby, let alone a whole week. It's been a miserable week for me.  For those of you that are familiar with Seinfeld, I had a cough that sounded like the cough that both Kramer and the dog had (which made Kramer take the dog's medicine). I also had a fever and was leaking many fluids from all the openings in my head. I was still cute, don't get me wrong, but I was pretty disgusting. Now I have passed it all on to Gillian. Not intentionally. If anything, her getting sick has cramped my style because she stayed home from school today. Hopefully she'll go back tomorrow.

Anyway, today I wanted to take some time to send some love to all my special ladies from camp. You know who you are. I will list some of you (and please don't be offended if I don't list everyone...I'm still recuperating!).

Addie--You are like another sister to me, but you're actually nice to me. I miss playing the Sims and taking walks with you. You need to stop being so busy over your winter break so you can come and babysit me.
Audrey--Of all my special ladies, you comment on my blog the most, so I thank you for your support. I'm sorry my legs are not as chunky as Gillian's were, but I think I have enough other kinds of cuteness to make up for it!
My kitchen ladies--Renee and Margaret--You carried me around at meals so I could see all the wonderful food that I'll get to eat next year.
My office ladies--Cami, Megan, Robin, Cheryl, Mary, Angela--I had fun hanging out with all of you and making all of you not work while my mom worked.
Hilla and Gigi--One day you will teach me how to play sports because we all know my parents won't be any good at that.
Donna--I was your special little guy, but now you have a special little guy of your own. Mazel tov to you, and I will try not to be too jealous!

You all are the best. Some days it's hard having only one mom to take care of me!

Here's an old picture of me since Daddy's working on the good computer.

Conquering the Mountain

Okay, I haven't started walking yet, but I've found something even better...the stairs! I've always known the stairs existed, but it never really meant anything to me because someone was always carrying me. Now that I know I can climb them, whole new worlds of possibilities have opened. I see things with a whole new perspective. I have more routes of escape when Gillian chases me.

Right now I can only go up them. Next I'll have to learn going down. Well, I could go down them now, but it would be more rolling/falling than crawling, and Mom and Dad don't want to let me do that.

Sorry I don't have much to say tonight. I'm sick, so I'm cranky, as as you all know by now, that makes everyone else in my house cranky too. So, I'll make this short so Mom and Dad don't have to stay up too late transcribing it for me. I'm planning on sleeping in their bed at some point tonight anyway, so I have to give them a little break.

Oh, Gillian

In Gillian's class, they are talking about sharing and families, so they are sharing their families with the class by making a scrapbook. Everybody's scrapbook page was supposed to be in last Friday, but Mommy and Daddy dropped the proverbial ball and forgot about it until 11:30 Sunday night. So, they scrambled and put together a page for Gillian to bring to school on Monday. Then, Monday morning as we were all getting ready for school, we had a few extra minutes (which is a rarity--normally it's go, go, go from wake-up until 9:45 when everyone is strapped in the car), so Mommy had the great idea for Gillian to draw some pictures to go along with the photos on her scrapbook page. She made some cute drawings and was actually doing a nice job, and then Mommy looked away. Mommy should know better by now. Never look away from Gillian.  This is what happened:

Notice how everyone has a beard or mustache, even little newborn me (which you can't see because Mommy did a bad job taking the picture). Needless to say, the scrapbook page did not go to school today, and Mommy is going to have to redo it tonight.

This isn't the first time Gillian has tried to edit our family either. I have already told you about how she's trying to lose me so she can get a girl baby. Well, we also learned at her parent-teacher conference last week that whenever she draws a picture of her family she leaves out Liana. And when her teachers ask her where Liana is, she just gives them that cute, seemingly innocent smile.

Now here's your picture of me, on the last night of Chanukah. I was sleepy.

 Also, I haven't started walking yet, so you still have time to cast your vote. Sorry, Lee!

Marinating

First of all, I know you are reading this. I have my ways. So, why haven't you voted in my contest? I'll give you more information so you can make a more educated guess. I turned 10 months on Monday. Gillian walked at 10 months. Liana walked at 12 months. I rolled over at 5 months, crawled at 6.5, and started pulling up around 8 months. I have been cruising for a couple weeks now. All you have to do is pick a date when I'm going to start walking, and if you're the closest you get a prize! Law student Aunt Louie wanted to know the specific definition of walking, so we decided that it is two intentional steps. Her guess is January 2. We also have December 12, December 25 (a Christmas miracle), and February 9. So, leave your guess in the comments. And become a follower!

So why am I an a saucy mood? I'm going to tell you a story. I love the fridge. If anyone opens it, I drop what I am doing and high-tail it over there. There are a couple of jars on the bottom shelf of the door that I love to rearrange. It's a feng shui thing. Mom is usually pretty good about leaving the door open a few extra seconds to give me some time to make my changes. Well, today, I guess she got distracted and walked away while I was doing my thing. I lined up some sweet and sour sauce, some teriyaki, and some fish sauce on the floor. Everything was falling into place and then I realized that the cap on the teriyaki looked interesting. Next thing I know, I have a pool of teriyaki sauce forming around me. I love swimming, so this was awesome. Not only was it fun and splashy, but it smelled great too! Keep in mind, I was naked when this happened as well (my pre-dinner naked time). Of course Gillian had to ruin my fun and let Mom know. But then I got a bath, so that worked out swimmingly!

Happy Birthday Momma!

So today is a great day, but a day that could almost be looked over.  Today is my Mom's Birthday Day!  My mom does not want gifts on this special day and would actually get mad at my dad if he bought her something.  So I wanted to get my fans to know what Mom does for me and my family.  This morning I interviewed all my family to find out what makes our mom the best mom there is.  Without  and further hesitations,  Why Mom Rocks!

Me (Asher):  My mom feeds me whenever I am hungry with the most natural and organic home cooking that there is.  She makes me all sorts of cool clothing and accessories (which she is thinking of selling so if you are interested, let me know.  She makes baby legs, carriers, hats, swaddling blankets, sleep sacks, and other things.  They are good and stylish and customizable)  She also looks after me, protects me from my sister, and makes sure I do not eat things that would kill me like Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony pieces.  When every I cry she picks me up and makes me feel better.  She is always there for me and I love spending time with her.  She is the best mommy I have every had.

Gillian:  My mom helps me be a princess every day!  She finds my toys for me that have unexplainably become lost.  She gives me snacks when I am hungry and tolerates my unique and incomplete clothing choices.  I know she does not like it but she lets me climb on her.  She doesn't give me as many time outs as I sometimes deserve and is always there to comfort me when I am having a night terror.  She know that even when I am goofing around, assaulting Asher, or blatantly disregarding her requests, that I lover her all the time.  I got really lucky that my Mom is my mom.  She is great and I love her sooooooo much!

Liana:  Wow, what do I want to say to Mom?  I have so much but I left my notes at preschool so I am going to have to do this from the the mental notes.  My mother makes me proud to me a woman.  I watch her run our house from the financials to the day to day logistics.  Nothing phases her and she always keeps her cool.  The three little people in our house can be a handful, but she handles us very well. Because of her I want to be a Mommy and something else.  We are a full time job, yet she works to help other people all the time.  I need to lead my cohorts in helping her keep the house clean, but it is hard when there are just so many ponies to play with.  She has improved my computer skills to the point where I am a junior Geek Squad agent.  She really is an inspiring person and I am happy to have her as a mother. 

Scott:  This is a great idea Asher.  I would be happy to contribute to this.  Ann Lesley really is a fantastic mother. She manages a house, children, careers, and me (I am probably the hardest to manage of the list).  She works hard.  I mean really hard.  Hard might not even be the right word.  She is always working.  Whether it is cleaning, cooking, creating, composing, crafting, combusting, camping, crooning, whatever, she is doing it with vigor and gusto that masks how tired she really is.  She is an amazing mother and wife and I am luck to have her.  It has been a great run so far and it can only keep getting better.  So here's to you Ann Lesley on the second anniversary of your 29th birthday!

It's me Asher again.  So what do you want to tell Ann Lesley on her birthday?  Use the comments box below to leave your wishes and what she means to you.  Anyone who has had the privilege and honor to know Ann Lesley is better because of it.  Help us celebrate her birthday fans.  Hopefully you will do this more than you have submitted to my contest.  Submit to both!

Thanks and happy birthday Mom!

Would you like to play a game?

Greetings and salutations all of my loyal and devoted fans.  It is a chilly Monday today and I had an idea to warm every ones hearts.  It is only a matter of time before I shed my crawling shackles and emerge as a walking free man.  I would like to get you all involved in this if I can.  Now, I have fans from all over the world:  Canada, United States, Israel, China, Russia, Denmark, and other hits from here and there.  I can not have you all come over to my house and have you take turns helping me learn to walk.  Even though that would be fun, it would not be practical, there is not enough space in my room and I am not making that many Hors d'oeuvre. 

This is what I propose.  I am creating the first and only

An Asher a Day Presents:

The Day that Asher Walks Bohnanza! 

This will be a virtual event with prizes being awarded for the most accurate guess.  What are you guessing?  The day that I start walking is the target.  I can stand great now and I can even leaning into things but what shows that I am getting close to walking is this thing called cruising.  This is where I walk around things mostly being supported by them.  This I am good at.  But walking unassisted, this is not where I am yet a Viking. 

So this is your task all my fans:  Leave the date in the comments for the day that you think that I am going to be walking.  Who ever gets it closest will win a fabulous prize.  Remember, even though I am just a baby with a most bodacious stock portfolio, I have very little disposable and liquid assets.  I will be creative with your reward, do not worry.  So, leave a comment with the date you think I will be walking.  A name will help so that I know who wins and deserves the prize.  While you are doing that, become a follower so I know who is keeping an eye on me.  You do not have to be a follower to participate, but it would be a nice gesture.  This should be fun.  And with that, get those entries in!

When am I going to walk?  Only time and "you" can tell!

My Knew Trick

Why the K in Knew?  Well, I am working my knees and that has that pesky silent K, so why not?  Did you know that the knee is not the only part of the body below the waist that you can use for mobility?  Aparently those feet that I drag behind me when I crawl are good for something other than looking cute and eating.  I can use them to stand.

Look! No hands!

The End of an Era

Yesterday was a sad day at our house. Mom was making dinner--teriyaki tofu burgers. She needed to grate up some carrots, so she got out the Magic Bullet. You know the Magic Bullet. You've probably seen it on TV. It's the infomercial with the super-peppy Australian guy and some blonde girl who are preparing breakfast for a bunch of grumpy people in pajamas who become less grumpy as they learn how awesome the Bullet is. Well, after seven years of fairly regular use, the carrots proved to be too much for the Bullet, and it died. It didn't just die, it died spectacularly by breaking into several pieces.

That Magic Bullet has been with our family for a long time. It was one of the first things Mom and Dad bought after they got married, and they loved it. It really did live up to the infomercial hype. Throw in a tomato, onion, avocado, and cilantro, and 1, 2, 3, you've got guacamole. Use the blender attachment, instant milkshakes. Use the juicer attachment, fresh grapefruit juice. And then they started having kids...homemade baby food, breadcrumbs made from the crusts of bread the girls don't eat, the possibilities were endless. There was nothing the Bullet couldn't handle. But then those carrots came along. And it's done carrots just fine before. I guess it was old, tired, ready for Mom to start using the huge Cuisinart that just sits lonely in the closet because it's so bulky and annoying to clean. It served our family well, and it will be missed.

And in other news...Happy Chanukah!

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