My First Thanksgiving

Let me tell you, for a baby who loves to eat, Thanksgiving is awesome! I think we were eating most of the day. We started off with pancakes for breakfast. I know what you're thinking...why make pancakes for breakfast when you know you're going to be eating so much later? Because Liana and Gillian were obsessing about pancakes. And they wouldn't be eating much of the Thanksgiving meal later anyway. The pancakes were pretty awesome. I got a pancake in the shape of an A, and then got to eat the leftovers of some of Liana's L-shaped pancakes.

There was no lunch. I didn't like this. But, I did get to destroy a few pieces of bread that had just been baked.

Then we went to Aunt Louie and Uncle Sock's house. They have a cool house. First, they have Casey (or, is it Kasey?), who is a dog and is about three times my size, but I love when she licks my face. Apparently I am one of the only people who get a kick out of this. Most people tell her to stop when she licks their faces--I don't know why though, because it's so refreshing.

They also have chickens. Uncle Sock made a house for them and they live in the backyard. Their names are Camilla and MJ. MJ lays eggs, but Camilla does not even though she is supposed to. Once Uncle Sock gets his certification to be able to kill chickens in a kosher way, Camilla will be our dinner. MJ had recently laid an egg when we went out to visit them, so we got to get it out of the coop.

Another cool thing about their house is the fireplace. We have a fireplace at our house, but it is boring. Their fireplace had a fire in it! I really wanted to check it out up close, but I kept getting picked up.

Uncle Sock also makes his own pickles, and as you all know, I am Pickle Man. So, I got to eat a bunch of delicious pickles while we were waiting for dinner to begin. I also got to crumble up a lot more bread. Casey liked this part a lot.

Finally it was time to eat. Pomegranate-glazed turkey with wild rice stuffing. Wasabi mashed potatoes (I didn't get to have these). Sweet potatoes. Green bean casserole. Two kinds of cranberry sauce. Yummmm. I bet you all thought the turkey would be my favorite, but you're wrong. The wild rice was the best! Actually, the best part of the meal was that they put my food on a plate (since I didn't have a highchair with a tray). Plates are fun for throwing. The food goes everywhere! Casey also really liked this part.

Dessert was three kinds of pies--honey pumpkin, cranberry pear, and caramel apple. I got a small taste of whipped cream (but it was pareve, so it couldn't have really been cream!), but then I fell asleep.

At some point while I was sleeping, Gaga tried to saber a champagne bottle. It was not successful. But, there is a video, and it's pretty funny to watch him with Uncle Sock's huge Indiana Jones machete (Uncle Sock is an archaeologist) trying to get that champagne bottle open.

So, that's my first Thanksgiving. It was a good one. I'm thankful for all you wonderful fans!

It looks like food, but it tastes like plastic!

Rock On

Liana here. I'm going to give you a little break from Asher and tell you about my mix CD that I made for my birthday. It wasn't my idea--wasn't even Mom and Dad's idea. They stole the idea from my friend Zach who made a mix CD to give out as the favor for his 4th birthday. But, it's a cool idea, so I wanted to do it for my 5th birthday. I basically just thought of all the songs I really like (and one song I love that I wasn't allowed to put on the mix), and put them all together for everyone to enjoy. Here's the tracklist so you can all rock out with me:

Light and Day/Reach for the Sun—The Polyphonic Spree

Barking at the Moon—Jenny Lewis (from the movie "Bolt")

Volcano—The Presidents of the United States of America

Fill it Up—Trout Fishing in America

Final Countdown—Europe

Raining Sunshine—Miranda Cosgrove (from the movie "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs," or as Gillian calls it, "Chowdy," which is short for "Chowdy with a Meatball")

Peanut Butter Balls—Care Bears (you can watch the video for this here--it's awesome)

Mr. Roboto—Styx

Bohemian Rhapsody—The Muppets

Mr. Blue Sky—Nerf Herder

Shenandoah—The Statler Brothers

I’ve Been Everywhere—Johnny Cash

All My Friends Are Insects—Weezer

Zero, My Hero—Schoolhouse Rock

See My Vest—The Simpsons

Sunny—Boney M (from the movie "CJ7")

You Spin Me Right Round—Alvin and the Chipmunks

Here Comes the Sun—Sheryl Crow (from "Bee Movie")

Vocalise—Eduard Hil

Losing Streak—Eels (from "Shrek the Third")

Liana's Birthday Weekend Extravadanza

No, that's not a typo. I did mean "extravadanza!"

Sorry I did not get back to write a new post earlier this week. All the excitement left me feeling a little under the weather. People are continually amazed by how much snot can come out of one little nose.

Let's talk about Liana's birthday weekend. Liana turning 5 was too big an event to be contained in just one day. It started Friday, which I already covered in another post. In the afternoon Grandma Lynn and Grandpa Howie came into town. They bring an entourage--a small, but very loud entourage--their two miniature dachshunds, Mini and Moe. They are some of the few creatures in this family that I am actually larger than, but I think I freak them out because I am largeness impaired.

Saturday was the big birthday party for Liana's friends. It was at a gymnastics place. Imagine 15 four- and five-year olds, plus Gillian, running around and screaming. Luckily they were all too busy actually doing gymnastics to think about smooshing me. The upside to the party was that my future girlfriend Lauren was there. She's Liana's friend Ryan's little sister (I think Liana and Ryan are going to hook up eventually too). She's a month older than me, but that's just how I roll. She is almost walking, so I have much to learn from her.

This place was cool.  There was all sorts of gymnastics equipment everywhere! A lot of it was not used by the people at the party but maybe they were used by the US Olympic Gymnastics Team!  I might have sucked on the same balance beam that a future gold medalist walked on.  I do not know if I should be honored or disgusted (I often suck on things that touch feet such as my socks, shoes, floors, steps, etc...)  Liana and her cronies jumped, flew, ran, hopped, flipped, rolled, gallivanted ,and canoodled all over the place with trampolines, ropes, nets, balance beams, rings, foam pits, spring boards, parallel bars, and a cool slightly springy floor.  I sure know my gymnastics, I am like a modern day Vitaly Scherbo.

After the party we went back to Nana and Gaga's house for hamburgers. It was awesome! I don't get much meat, so to get it two days in a row was almost unheard of.  My family got to use Ga's new telescope to see four moons of Jupiter and a lot of moon detail.  My dad thought he saw an alien up there on that silly old moon, but it was just an eyelash. Go figure.

Sunday:  Liana went to Sunday School.  I got to chill with Grandma Lynn which was awesome.  I love when my Chicago fam comes to visit.  I need to pencil some more time with them into my schedule soon.  We had Five Guys for lunch.  No one would give me a peanut.  BOO.  Dinner was fajitas and was my first taste of avocado. For some thing that has the consistency of well formed poo, it was surprisingly good.    I think that my next stop is going to be guacamoleville. 

So that was the weekend.  It took me a whole week to recoup from it.  Today is Thanksgiving.  I plan to do a post about all things turkey tonight before my dad needs to go to sleep to be at Best Buy for Black Friday.  To all my fans, talk to you later.

Divine

What can I say? That meatloaf was the best thing I have ever eaten. The salty little morsels, with just a touch of sweetness. The vegetables that melted in my mouth. All served with mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy. Delicious does not even describe it. I've eaten a lot of good things in my nine and a half months. I've found even better things on the floor that the grown ups haven't let me eat. But nothing compares to that meatloaf. Liana may be the vegetarian in the family, but I am the carnivore!

In other news, today is Liana's fifth birthday. I'm a little angry about this birthday thing because everyone seems to be having one except for me. All I have had is my birth day, and I didn't even get a cake. I'll have a full report of the birthday festivities tomorrow night.

Meatloaf, Here I Come!

This post is dedicated to Jacqui F., who stayed up late last night waiting for my post and I let her down. Due to the amount of fanmail generated by last week's play-by-play, here is what happened today...

7:00 am: Wake up...in my crib.  Why am I in my crib? Normally by this time I have made my way into Mom and Dad's bed. Something about them wanting to get more sleep? I don't think so.

7:02 am: After the initial confusion, start my morning conversation with The Frog. He's not very talkative this morning, but he's a good listener for being my arch enemy.

7:05 am: Get bored with The Frog, stand up, start yelling. Dad comes and gets me.

7:07 am: Snuggle up with Mom for my morning milk. Gillian is next to me. I'm not sure about this.

7:20 am: Having survived my morning milk with Gillian next to me (she was too distracted by "The Berenstain Bears"), Mom and I are off to the shower. I get to play on the bathroom floor when Mom is in the shower because they have figured out this is the safest place for me. If they put me in my crib, I get lonely with the door closed and then I usually get things thrown at me because Gillian can open the door. In the bathroom, Mom can intervene even if Gillian gets the door open.

7:25 am: Discover the toilet. It opens! There is water in there! Reach my hands in...and Mom magically appears and stops me.

7:35 am: Diaper wrestling. Clothes on. Gray pants, blue and gray striped onesie, blue vest. I am cute.

7:40 am: Crawl around Mom and Dad's room while Mom fights with the girls to get them dressed. It has been about a week since Mom vacuumed, so I find lots of good stuff to put in my mouth.

8:00 am: Breakfast. Banana and Cheerios. Banana in my hair!

8:45 am: Off to school.

8:46 am: Pull off my socks.

.9:03 am: Flirt with the teacher while she unbuckles Liana and Gillian. And...they're gone! And I fall asleep.

9:20 am: Mom wakes me up in the parking lot at Sam's while trying to get me into the mei tai. We're only here to get the treats for Liana's school birthday party, but there's a special display of tiny suits at the entrance. Mom has stopped and looked at these several times before (they are super cute). Today she looks at them a little longer...and picks one out for me! Now I'm all set for Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa's wedding. I'm going to be the most handsome dude there.

9:45 am: Fall asleep in the car again.

10:40 am: Get woken up by Mom again. I'm in my crib so I guess she moved me there at some point. Try to sleep more while getting my diaper changed.

11:00 am: Arrive at school again. Aren't we a little early? The girls' classes are just coming off the playground, so we follow them inside. Gillian leaves her class and comes with us to the Lizard class. Oh yes, we are Shabbat Mom and Shabbat Baby today. Plus we have brought treats for Liana's birthday.

11:15 am: Sing all the Shabbat blessings in Liana's class.  Challah, yum. I drop crumbs all over the floor, so the teachers let the pig out and she cleans up the floor. Yes, Liana's class has a pig. Her name is Millie. She's kosher, don't worry.

11:30 am: Shabbat with the whole school in the chapel. I get passed around by the teachers, which I deal with, but I actually just really want some milk. I missed my mid-morning milk because of Sam's and falling asleep in the car. I am hungry!

12:00 pm: Take Gillian with us, leave Liana at school, go to Nana and Gaga's house for lunch. Banana puffs, vegetables from soup, egg salad. Mess.

12:55 pm: Back in the car pool line. Trying to fall back asleep. My naps are all messed up today.

1:03 pm: Liana is back.

1:25 pm: Mom attempts to make me take a nap, but since I slept for a couple minutes in the car, I'm not having it. Crawl around upstairs while the girls decorate goodie bags for Liana's party. They're using foam stickers. I wait for them to fall so I can eat them. They're delicious, you know.

1:45 pm: While the girls are occupied with the stickers, Mom gets the playlist ready for Liana's birthday CD. Rock out with Mom to Mr. Roboto, The Final Countdown, Muppets Bohemian Rhapsody, and other awesome songs that Liana is obsessed with.

2:15 pm: Mom tries to make me take another nap. Fail!

2:20 pm: More rocking out. Now "His Name is Lancelot" from "Spamalot" is on repeat. This is Liana's absolute favorite, but Mom won't put it on the CD. She is afraid other parents will get upset because it's about Lancelot being gay. Liana thinks it's about how Lancelot likes to dance a lot.

3:00 pm: Another attempt at getting me to fall asleep. Success.

4:00 pm: Wake up. Get ready to go to synagogue for A Cappella Kabbalat Shabbat and meatloaf dinner. I can't wait for the meatloaf! After all, it is meat in the shape of a loaf. Who wouldn't love that? Plus Gila calls me Meat Loaf and she is one of the most awesome people around (not as awesome as me though--remember, A is for Awesome and A is for Asher, so naturally Asher is Awesome!).

I'll report back later on the meatloaf. Shabbat Shalom!

This Turd Brought To You By the Letter Q

I didn't realize there was a correlation between what you eat and what goes into your diaper. I'm just a baby, remember. Well, I learned today that sometimes what you eat comes out in your diaper. In my case, it was a neon green foam sticker of the letter Q.

In other news, I'm rethinking this Gillian thing. Maybe she's not trying to smother me. I think she might be trying to mother me. (Ha, look what I did there.) This morning I was snuggling in bed with Mom, getting my morning milk, and Gillian came in to snuggle with us. Normally this is the part of the day where she starts poking me. This morning, as she was rearranging the pillows and stealing all the blankets, she said, "I wish I had milk in my boobs. Then I could feed Asher too." Amazing! She really does care for me. She just has a strange way of showing it.

Car Pool Pollution (Not From My Diaper)

I'm talking gas, and not mine.

I'm just a caveman baby. I poop in my diaper. I drink milk. I can't type more than 60 words per minute. But even I know that cars turn off with just a quick flick of the wrist. Keys are for more than just eating. Every day, actually three times every day, I am amazed as I sit in the car pool line that people do not turn off their cars!

Let me explain how the car pool works. In front of the school, there are four marked spots on the one way driveway. All the cars line up and the first four load or unload their kids. Then they leave and the next four go, etc., etc., until all 100 something kids have been dropped off. Now, in the morning, it's understandable for people to keep their cars on. Not everyone comes at the same time (there's about a 20 minute window around 9 am when the teachers are there to take the kids), and there's usually only one or two people in front of you. But in the afternoon, the world comes to a standstill. Let's just say, it's easier for the teachers to figure out how to take kids out of carseats than it is for them to figure out how to get them in. You can be in that line for a good twenty minutes, and it takes up to five minutes for the four front cars to get fully loaded, so you have lots of stopped time.

I was curious. I called the EPA, texted my buddy Al Gore. I thought, maybe these grown-ups know what they're doing and it actually uses less gas to keep the car on for twenty minutes than to turn it on and off a few times. They're wrong. I found several sources that said that if you're idling for over a minute it's the same as turning the car off and back on. It's ridiculous the amount of gas that is being wasted and the amount of pollution that is going in to the air. And this is every day! At schools all over the place! It may not seem like much for a few minutes here and there, but it really adds up. Today we got there early at 11:45. Some non-eco-douche pulled up being us driving their Hummer (actually, it was just a regular SUV, but they're all the same to me--I'm little). Now, we weren't going to be going anywhere until at least 12:00 because that is when the kids come out. But, they left their car on the whole fifteen minutes! What a waste. Dante must have imagined a circle of Hell reserved specifically for these people.*

Apparently there are truths more inconvenient than the load in my diaper.

Good day.

I know how to turn off my car.

 I said, good day!


*Douchebags