What a Summer!

You may have been wondering where I've been for the last three months. It was a wonderful, magical place, where I was king of all the babies. Camp! I'm sorry I didn't update you on my adventures throughout the summer. I may be 18 months old now, but I still don't have the motor skills to do all my typing, and Mom and Dad were too busy with all their work (aka, going to Bauer's--the local tavern, for those of you unfamiliar) to help me type my posts.

Alas, we are back home, getting back into a routine, and Liana will be starting kindergarten on Monday, so that will give Mom so much more time for me. Don't worry, I will update you on all the happenings of the summer in the coming weeks. Today I will be sharing the story of our homecoming.

Before I do that, however, I have to give a special shout out to my bro Effie, who was my babysitter for the summer. We had awesome times together and he showed me how important it is to always be yourself!

So, we came home Tuesday night. In past summers when my family has come home from camp, there has usually been some kind of emergency waiting for them. One summer it was a flooded basement (which was right after the basement had been remodeled, with new drywall and carpeting). One summer it was a broken water heater. This summer, it was....two things:

1) Moths in the pantry--goodbye all the flour, sugar, etc., that Mom had acquired for all the random baking and cooking projects that she and the girls want to do.

2) This one takes some explanation. Before the summer, Gillian had her birthday party in which she got a plastic princess tub filled with different princess games. At some point before we left, the games were taken out of the tub. This afternoon, Mom was cleaning up from her and the girls' cooking project (homemade kiwi-apple fruit roll-ups) and Gillian was playing with the various princess games. Then she decided she wanted to open the tub to see if anything else was in there--which there was, just not princess games. She couldn't get the tub open herself, so she brought it over to Mom, at which point it slipped out of her hands and opened. Then, the horror. Black goo splattered out across the floor and there was some mass of black grossness filling the pink tub. Mom and Gillian ran away, Mom threw Gillian into the sink to wash her, and then Mom quickly cleaned up the trail of black goo that went from the play room to the living room before anyone else could get it on them. They all hid in the bathroom and called Dad, and then went outside to play until Dad got home. Dad removed the grossness from the house, but even with close inspection he could not figure out what it was. There have been mice in our house before, so that was everyone's first thought, but it was too far decomposed to tell. Later Gillian was playing in the playroom again and found more of the black goo that had been dripping out of the tub onto all the other toys underneath it. Needless to say, we have no more princess tub and have thrown away some other toys.

So, that was our exciting homecoming. Be sure to check back often...I'm back!

Weedings.

Now, I am just a baby, but I am beginning to learn the importance of spelling.  For a long time, I thought my uncle was going to be spending the rest of his life removing dandelions from some undisclosed garden, and my family from near and far were going to get dressed up in really nice clothing and watch them.  You can understand my confusion when I realized we were going to go to a wedding. 

Uncle Jack and Aunt Lisa were married on Saturday, May 7th and the celebration was fantastic.  My dad gave a really awesome toast, we ate good food, and the dancing was bueno. Being 15 months old, a party and a weekend like that can take a long time to recover from.  I am not yet done.  I did want to end the silence and let you all know that I am still kicking.  Things to look forward to in the coming week are:

• a full run down of the wedding weekend
• how Gillian really broke her arm (Gillian broke her arm)
• other musings by me!

And here is a picture of me.

Babies, Babies Everywhere

One of the highlights of my April (other than the many days of chicken for Passover), was attending the ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) Conference with my mom. My mom just started getting involved with ICAN in the last year, even though her cesarean was over five years ago, but we have a lot of fun going to the meetings. There are always lots of babies there. And I am the king of the babies. It's the only place I go where there are people smaller than me, so it's nice to be able to have that feeling.

Anyway, the ICAN conference happens every two years and this year it was in St. Louis, so it made sense to go. It was awesome! I never knew so many babies could be in the same place at the same time. There were walking babies, sleeping babies, rolling babies, and even eating babies. Wait, that sounds bad.  Babies were eating, not being eaten--sorry for the confusion. Anyhoo, We Had FUN! Our moms listened to people talk, like Pam England of Birthing from Within, and Gail Tully from Spinning Babies, but us babies had the real fun. See, when we cry or make random noises, we're actually conversing with each other, but our conversations are too complex for adults to understand. We talked about people's outfits, their hair, who was in the coolest baby carrier (me, of course, because my mom made it--also, she made one for the silent auction there and it went for about $100!). It was sad when the conference was over and everyone had to go home. I'll see some of my baby friends at the monthly meeting next week, but it won't be the same.

So, that was that. If you've had a cesarean or you're interested in birth or you're concerned about the fact that 1 in 3 births in this country is by cesarean, then please check out ICAN. Read some birth stories, get some facts. You'll be glad you did. And if you go to a meeting, you'll get to see lots of babies!

I am on my way to the next ICAN meeting.  C Ya There!

I Have Failed

I have failed you, my dear fans. It is a travesty that I only did three posts in April. You deserve better than that. We all deserve better than that. It has been a gloomy, rainy month, but now with the May flowers, the light of Asher a Day will once again shine out over the Internet. My parents keep giving me excuses why they can't help me put up my posts--they're too busy with work, too busy cleaning the house, too busy trying to get a couple hours of sleep before my middle-of-the-night visits. Dude, I even started sleeping through the night the last couple weeks so they would be more rested! Does it work? No. Too much stuff to do for camp, for school, for whatever of the other thousands of jobs my parents seemingly have. Well, it's time to stop. It's time for them to take the time to help me type. Or maybe I just need to learn how to type myself. Or get a new secretary.

Now I have to fill you in on what you missed in April. First, Passover. Last Passover I was just a little blob that slept all the time, so I didn't truly get to experience it. This year, I truly got a taste of the holiday. I have to say, I missed my morning cereal. But, Mom did buy a lot more bananas to make up for it (our family went through 4.5 pounds of bananas in less than 24 hours at one point). Bananas are not only delicious, but they feel great when you smash them into your hair. One of the best things about Passover was the leftover chicken. It's always an unwritten rule that you make too much food for the seders so you can play the game of How Long Will The Leftovers Last? I had chicken for lunch and dinner for about 4 days. It was awesome! I also really loved the hard boiled eggs. (Gillian loved them too. At the first seder, I think her meal was about 5 hard boiled eggs and nothing else.) And my mom made a pretty good matzah lasagna. So, that was Passover.

I think that's all for tonight. I'll leave you hanging about the rest of April and give you more updates over the rest of the week.

Also, this week is Countdown to Lisa and Jack's Wedding Week! 5 days!

To Boldly Go Where No Toddler Has Gone BEFORE!

I have returned from the void and I come bearing gifts.  Where have I been?  I will get to that in a few moments.  Let me explain a couple of key points.  Gillian has a normal full size regular height big girl twin bed.  Liana does not.  Liana's bed was once the pull out part of a trundle bed from when Aunt Rin was a youngin.  It is old, held together by aged springs, and tilts oddly to the left.  Needless to say, my parents try to keep me from exploring under Liana's bed, or as I like to call it, THE CAVE OF WONDERS!
Just like Aladdin looking for that silly Neti Pot that grants wishes, I have yearned, no, desired, no, craved finding what treasures are hiding in that land lost in time.  (Even the lint bunnies are prehistoric, mutated, and inorganic,)  A few nights ago, I had a small window of time while Gillian and Liana inadvertently distracted Mom.  Like a bat out of hell, I went into the chasm of quandary.  I saw wonderful wonders and fantastical fancies.  To those watching, they would have seen my torso and legs slowly get slurped up like my sisters sucking up spaghetti.  While in there, I looked around and found something truly amazing.  Something that had the power to prove my theories.  I found...
wait for it...
wait for it...

A Binky!

Not impressed?  You say that they are all over my house and easy to find if one looks?  Let me remind you of the Lost Binky Theory that will be published in the summer issue of Awesome Baby (a peer edited journal by babies for babies who are awesome).  I got a column in it, of course, since I am awesomeness personified.

Once one binky has been found, other lost binkies will turn up.  Also the more lost the primary binky was, the greater the treasure trove that will be found.

This binky was not from the normal stock. This binky was an infant binky not seen in rotation for a good eight months. How did it get under the bed in the first place? I wasn't even mobile when I would have last used it. I thought Mom had collected and thrown away all of its kind. But, alas, one remains. One baby binky to rule them all. I can't even begin to imagine the treasures that will come to me now.

Swiffering, Schooling, and Solomons...

1.  Swiffering.  Mom bought a new Swiffer at the store because the old one broke. Until trash day tomorrow, we now have two. She put on the short handle and put one in each of my really cute delicate awesome hands.  I was like the business end of a curling team Swiffering up and down our house.  Nothing got in my way; to watch me Swiffer was like watching an angel Swiffer.  I was majestic.  Even better, I had perfectly balanced Gillian defense wands.  When she got too close to me, the Swiffers got too close to her, if you are catching my drift.  Who knows? Being a domestic might be in my future.

2.  Overheard this conversation on the way to school:  Gillian looked at Mom in the car and told her,  "Mom, I think you took the wrong classes in college."
"Why is that, Gillian?"  Mom responded.
To which Gillian responded, "Because you just turned into a mom."  Wow!  With heated antifeminist rhetoric like that, it is surprising that Gillian only wears skirts and dresses. 

3.  So, my second middle name is spelled differently on my birth certificate and Social Security Card, so I ask you my fans, which version should I use?  Frederick or Frederic?  Keep or Kapsize the K?  It is not like it is up to you all, but my parents might like the suggestions.  Why Solomon as the header for this section?  That is middle name Alpha.  Duh.

*.  Today is 4/11/11.  That could also be written like 4l11l11.  That is crazy,  Just wait for November, 11th.  It will blow your mind, but make perfect sense in Binary.

Hope April is treating you all well.  In less than two months I take over camp.  Call me to hang out before I go.

I made a new friend!

Before I tell you all about my new friend, I must make a declaration.  I WILL post more this month.  I will shower you all with Asher a Day posts this April.  I will do what I can to blog for you to fulfill my goal of entertaining you, educating you, and edutaining you.  This I solemnly swear to you, my loyal readers.



Now to my new friend.  I guess I should say friends because they are everywhere.  They are in my house, at the mall, I guess everywhere indoors.  I love my new friends.   I like looking at them, touching them, calling them "up," having one-sided yelling conversations with them, and being lulled to sleep by their blinking green eye.  Have I confused you?  Sorry.



My new friends are smoke detectors.  How did I not notice them in all their majesty before?  You want to see me happy? Hold me up so that I can caress my new friend.  It brings me such joy!  Why must they be soooooooooooo far away?  What, you think I am joking?  I am not.  I really like smoke detectors. 



Smokey, my BFF!



One day I was sitting in peace away from Gillian when I decided to throw myself backwards. I like doing this--it is fun.  I happened to end up on my back and I saw a friend just hanging around on the ceiling, winking at me.  What can I say, we have so much in common.  We both like soup, we both can scream, best friends.  That is us.  Me and Smokey,  BFFs!